


Revelations

by madlaw



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Finch sucks, John is a Good Friend, Lesbian Sex, Shaw chases Root, shaw loves root
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 16:13:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 22,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9279497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madlaw/pseuds/madlaw
Summary: This work was meant to be a short exploration of a different side of Shaw.  What if Shaw were able to express her feelings to Root?  What would she say?But the story took over the writing and I followed.In some ways, the Shaw in this story feels like a totally different person.  But her core remains immutable.  She's just able to express her feelings and act on her emotions.Some parts are purely self-indulgent wish fulfillment.  Maybe you share my dreams.  Either way I hope you enjoy the trip.Feed the author and let me know what you think!





	1. Crunch Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll tell you what Sameen. If you can tell me why you really want my help with this number, I’ll send Susan on her way and stay with you. Otherwise, just let me get back to my night.”

Shaw’s settling in for a Friday night with scotch and her guns when she gets a call from Finch.  “Ms. Shaw, we received a number and I need you to start surveillance while I try to determine whether he’s the perpetrator or the victim.”  Shaw growls.  “Now Finch?”

“Yes.  His name is Dane Reynolds.  But his digital footprint is almost non-existent so I’ve been unable to uncover any reason why his number has come up.  I’m sending you his picture now.  He’s at the Cosmo bar in the village.  Please let me know when you’ve located him.” 

Shaw was really looking forward to her night in peace, but she can’t really tell Finch no.  “Fine.”  She hangs up without another word.  She downs her scotch and reassembles her nano. She grabs her jacket and heads out.

The bar is relatively upscale, which already annoys Shaw.  Some obnoxious pop music is playing and it smells like some fruity air freshener’s being pumped in through the air conditioning system.  On the plus side they do have decent scotch.

She locates the number at one of the tables in the back.  He’s relatively average looking and it’s not apparent on first sight why anyone would be after him.  He’s sitting with a group of men just like him.  Maybe he’s in finance and ripped the wrong people off.  Or he owes a loan shark an obscene amount of money.  Shaw sighs.  Until they have more information it’s impossible to know.  She checks in with Finch and orders a scotch, settling in at the end of the bar to watch.

She’s barely gotten comfortable when she hears a familiar laugh.  She looks towards the opposite end of the bar and spots Root.  She’s cozied up to some tall blond, having a drink and looking like she’s having a good time.  Shaw wonders if maybe she’s here on a related number.  She keeps a casual eye on them, trying to figure it out.

Their body language indicates they’re more than recent acquaintances.  At one point the blond leans over and places a kiss on Root’s neck, under her earlobe.  She’s tall and lanky like Root, but Shaw can’t distinguish any other details from her side of the bar.  Root’s hand is tucked into the back pocket of the woman’s jeans and she seems perfectly comfortable with the affection.

A few minutes later the blond heads to the back of the bar, seemingly headed to the bathroom.  Shaw walks over.  Root doesn’t seem surprised to see her.  Shaw’s waiting for her usual flirtatious greeting, but none seems to be forthcoming.

“Are you here on a number?”  Root runs her finger around the rim of her glass.  “No.”  Shaw’s surprised.  “Oh? So who's the blond?”  Root’s not going to elaborate but changes her mind.  “Her name’s Susan.  I met her while I was using the FBI cover. We get together every once in awhile.”

Shaw laughs mockingly. “What?  She’s your girlfriend?”  Root considers the question for a minute.  So long Shaw’s sure she’s not going to answer.  “Does it matter?”  Shaw was definitely not expecting that answer…or the question.  She studies Root and it almost seems like Root doesn’t really care what Shaw thinks one way or the other. 

There’s never been a time when Shaw’s not the object of Root’s undivided attention and affection.  She feels a tight pressure in her chest she can’t identify.  She’s about to blow the question off with a sarcastic remark, but her brain has other ideas.  “I don’t know.”

Root looks at her pensively.  “So why are you here Shaw?”  It’s been forever since Root’s used her last name and Shaw feels defensive, because she refuses to admit it hurts.  “I’m keeping an eye on a number.”  Root nods but doesn’t ask anything else.

Shaw’s taken off guard by Susan’s return.  She places her arm around Root’s waist and smiles at Shaw in a friendly way.  She has pretty blue eyes in an otherwise plain face.  Root smiles at her and introduces Shaw.  “Susan this is Shaw.  We work together.”  Shaw feels a surge of anger, but smiles briefly.  “Hi.  Well I’ll let you two enjoy your evening.”  Before she can walk away, Susan offers to buy her a drink.  “Please join us…what are you drinking?”

Shaw looks at Root but her expression’s inscrutable.  She glances at the number but he’s still at his table talking to some friends.  “Scotch.  Neat.”  Susan waves down the bartender and orders Shaw’s drink.  “So how long have you and Augusta been working together?”

Root knows what Shaw’s thinking.  Why hasn’t she told Susan she prefers to be called Root?  Shaw looks at Susan blandly.  “Oh, for quite awhile.  We’re partners.”  Root raises her eyebrows in question with a look that asks “since when?”  Susan doesn’t notice. 

Shaw’s refused to acknowledge Root’s anything to her but an annoyance.  They fuck occasionally but Root never spends the night, in fact she’s pushed out the door the minute she catches her breath, and Shaw treats her indifferently in front of the team.    But she’s even more surprised at the next words that come out of Shaw’s mouth.  “Actually Susan, can you give us a minute?  There’s something work related I need to discuss with Augusta.”

Susan smiles.  “Sure no problem.  I’m going to head outside for a smoke.”  Once she’s gone Root stares at Shaw with an annoyed expression.  “What do you need Shaw?”  Shaw looks away.  “Well, if you’re not busy I could use your help with this number.”

Root rolls her eyes and shakes her head incredulously.  “Actually I _am_ busy.  If you really needed my help with this number Finch or the Machine would’ve contacted me.”  Shaw slams her scotch back.  “You haven’t even told her your name.  Why bother with someone you can’t be honest with?  She thinks you’re an FBI agent named Augusta King.”  She looks away and orders another scotch.

Root smiles sadly.  “You know exactly who I am and I can’t be honest with you either.  Apparently honesty’s overrated.”  Shaw leans in, her face inches away from Root.  She can smell Root’s citrusy shampoo and gets lost momentarily in the pools of Root’s clear brown eyes.  She takes a deep breath but steps back.  Root sighs disappointingly.

“I’ll tell you what Sameen.  If you can tell me why you really want my help with this number, I’ll send Susan on her way and stay with you.  Otherwise, just let me get back to my night.”  Root’s never challenged Shaw before.  She’s always been willing to settle for what Shaw’s willing to give and Shaw realizes something’s changing (or changed?) between them.

“So are you sleeping with her?”  Shaw asks casually.  Root exhales sharply.  “Why do you care?”  A sudden heat suffuses Shaw’s face and she’s not sure when she lost control of this situation.  “Whatever.”  She slams back her drink and walks away.

She moves to her corner of the bar and goes back to observing her number.  She’s determined not to look over at Root, but her body betrays her.  She sees Susan come back and Root smiles at her.  They order more drinks and it’s like Shaw was never there.

A little while later, she sees Root ask the bartender to close out their tab.  Susan pulls Root closer and they pull their heads together intimately while they wait.  Shaw knows if she lets Root leave with Susan, they’ll be done. 

Root’s given her an ultimatum and even if she hadn’t, Shaw won’t forgive Root sleeping with someone else.  Even though she’s made it clear to Root it’s just sex and it doesn’t mean anything.  But Shaw knows it means…everything…and so should Root.  She watches them walk out of the bar.  Root doesn’t look back.


	2. Stay With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s a key to my apartment. I had it made for you months ago…you know so you don’t have to keep breaking in.”

Root walks outside with Susan and they hail a cab.  But she can’t do it.  Even though she won’t go back in to look for Shaw, she can’t leave with Susan.  They haven’t slept together, but its clear Susan wants more.  Root only wants Shaw.  Meaningless sex isn’t going to change it, just drag a perfectly nice woman into her mess.

“Uh, Susan, I’m sorry, but I think I’m just going to head home.  I have an early day tomorrow.”  It’s not the way Susan thought the night would end.  She pulls Root close and whispers in her ear.  “Come spend the night with me.  Please.” 

Root knows Susan’s not at fault, but suddenly she can’t stand to be near her.  She smells like cigarettes and she’s too tall…and she’s not Shaw.  It’s all she can do to not push her away.  “No.  I can’t.  I’m sorry.”  Root steps back and Susan understands they won’t be seeing each other again.  She glances back at the door of the bar and then at Root.  “Take care of yourself Augusta.”

Root walks away, staring at the dirty sidewalk.  Her heart hurts and her body wants to stay with Shaw.  But although she may not be willing to sleep with someone else, she can’t keep pretending she doesn’t want more from Shaw.  She at least wants to know she’s more to Shaw than just a fuck buddy.

 

* * *

 

Shaw’s torn.  She’s trying to convince herself it’s for the best if Root moves on.  But even if Root does, Shaw knows she won’t.  Root’s under her skin…a part of her.  So why can’t she just admit it to Root?  The reason’s not a mystery, even to Shaw.  Fear. 

She’s never cared about anyone and doesn’t know how.  Things can only end badly between them.  Suddenly Shaw grasps the irony.  Things are ending badly right now.  Shaw’s never let fear rule her.  So why not take a chance before it’s too late?  Assuming it’s not already.

She calls Reese.  “Hey Reese, I need you to come keep an eye on a number.”  He doesn’t ask why.  “Where are you?”  Shaw tells him and waits impatiently for him to arrive.  She doesn’t have to wait long before she sees him walk through the door.  He spots her and walks over.  Shaw fills him in and he says he’ll call Finch and let him know he’s taken over.

“Thanks, John…”  He gives her an understanding look and quirks his lip in the closest he ever comes to a smile.  “Tell Root I say hello.”  Shaw’s about to snap his head off and feign ignorance, but she finds she just can’t do it anymore.  She nods and walks out.

It’s chilly outside.  She takes a deep breath and zips her hoodie, wondering what she should do next.  The night sky’s clear and the moon shines bright.  Root doesn’t have her own place so finding her anytime soon will be impossible.  She doesn’t stop to think why she’s so sure Root isn’t with Susan right now.  She just knows. 

She can call Finch or ask the Machine, but neither option seems right.  She bites the bullet and calls Root.

 

* * *

 

Root’s shocked when her phone rings.  She knows its Shaw without looking because she assigned her a custom ring tone.  She wonders what it means.  She’s not up to playing games tonight.  Their push/pull just promises more pain.  She hesitates so long the call goes to voicemail.  She knows Shaw won’t leave a message.  They never do.  It’s too much of a risk should the phones fall into the wrong hands.

So when she gets a voicemail notification, she stops cold.  She looks at her phone and hesitatingly hits the voicemail icon.  There’s silence for a few seconds and then she hears Shaw’s voice.  “Let’s be honest…come over…please.”  Root deletes the message but she can’t ignore it.  If Shaw is brave enough to leave it, Root is brave enough to find out what it means.

 

* * *

  

But she doesn’t dare hope and when she knocks on Shaw’s door she feels something akin to dread.  Shaw opens and Root just stands there, not sure what to do or say.  Shaw pulls her inside and closes the door behind her.  She moves to kiss Root, but Root turns away.  She wants more than sex and no matter how much it hurts, she’ll walk away if Shaw doesn’t mean what she said in her message.

Shaw rubs her face and runs her fingers through her hair.  She walks over to the couch.  She waits for Root to follow before she sits down.  She doesn’t know where to start or what to say.  She’s never been here before.  Root sits with her arms clutched around herself and she doesn’t take off her coat or gloves.  She wants to be able to leave cleanly if her heart breaks.

Shaw starts with the easy part.  “I don’t want you sleeping with anyone else.”  Root waits, but Shaw can’t get anything else out.  “Why Sameen?  Why don’t you want me to fuck anyone else?”  Root’s words feel like a slap.  Shaw knows she deserves it.  She’s repeatedly told Root that’s all they’re doing.  Fucking.  But she pushes the pain of it away.

“I care about you…I just…”  She’s stuttering, but Root waits patiently.  Shaw remembers something Root told her not too long ago and it feels right.  “We belong together.”  Root searches Shaw’s face, for what she’s not sure.  “How do I know this isn’t just about your ego, because you saw me with someone else?  Why now?  Why tonight?”

“When we talked, I realized I was losing you.  Not to someone else, but to my own fear.  I’ve never cared about anyone Root.  Full stop.  But I care about you.  More than I know what to do with.”  Root sighs deeply.  “So what happens the next time you’re afraid of what you’re feeling or you’re frustrated or angry because you don’t know how to handle something between us?”

Shaw knows ‘I don’t know’ will have Root walking out the door.  So she thinks about it seriously.  “If I’m angry, I’ll take a break until I calm down and if I’m scared I’ll try to talk to you about it.  But even if I can’t, I promise I won’t push you away again.”

Root knows Shaw means what she says and she’s never broken a promise to her, ever.  But to willingly break down the armor she’s built to deal with Shaw’s indifference scares her.  Shaw knows what Root’s thinking and she wants desperately to say the right thing.

“You make me laugh.”  Root looks at her uncertainly.  “You make me feel safe.  I trust you.”  Shaw looks away, obviously uncomfortable with her confession.  “It’s always been more than sex.” 

Root’s look softens against her will.  “So what do you want from me Sameen?”  Shaw releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding.  “Stay with me.”  Root shakes her head.  “So I stay the night this time?  Then what?  What happens in the morning?  I’m sorry, but that’s not going to change anything Sam.”

Shaw takes a deep breath.  She feels the anger creeping up her spine.  This is her default reaction to situations that make her uncomfortable or confused or frustrated.  But anger now will cost her a price she’s not willing to pay.  “That’s not what I meant.  I meant stay with me for more than the night.”

Before Root can say anything, Shaw stands up.  “Give me a minute.”  She comes back and hands Root a dog tag.  But instead of a name, it has an engraved miniature of Shaw’s marine tattoo.  It’s obviously custom made and there’s a key attached to a short silver chain.  Root’s at a loss and raises her eyebrow in question.

“It’s a key to my apartment.  I had it made for you months ago…you know so you don’t have to keep breaking in.”  Root’s speechless, her heart rate skyrockets, and Shaw’s blushing.  Not sure how to handle the embarrassment or the pain if Root throws it in her face, she looks away.  Root runs her fingers over the engraving slowly.

Shaw doesn’t know what else to say.  But this is too important.  Root needs to know she’s committed to trying.  “Stay with me whenever you’re in New York.”

Root’s exhausted.  She feels like she’s been on an emotional roller coaster for over a year.  But instead of feeling like the ride is over, it seems like it’s only just beginning all over again.  She’s not sure she can take it.  Her life’s complicated enough. 

Although she wishes she was above pettiness, part of her also wants Shaw to hurt the way she’s been hurting for a long time.  She looks into Shaw’s eyes for the first time since she walked in with the intention of telling her she needs to think it over, but that’s not what she says.  “Okay.  Let’s try it.  But I’m not making any promises.  There’s no guarantee this will work.  For either of us.”  She’s in love; it’s not really a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would Root have slept with Susan if she hadn't run into Shaw?


	3. The First Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is if this doesn’t work with Shaw, Root’s done. She’s losing herself in someone who may never be able to feel anything more than sexual attraction in return. If it doesn’t work, she’ll just lose herself in the missions instead. She nods at herself in the mirror. Now that she has an exit plan, she feels more settled.

Shaw leans in and kisses her softly.  “Thanks.”  Root’s about to say she’s too tired for sex, guessing that’s where Shaw wants this to end, but she’s shocked when Shaw stands up instead.  “Why don’t you change and I’ll make us something to eat?”  Now Root’s really in uncharted territory and her normally unflappable demeanor flees.

She stands up uncertainly and Shaw helps her take her coat off.  When Root doesn’t move, she tugs her gloves off and pushes her gently towards the dresser by the bed.  “You know where my stuff is, just grab whatever.”  Unconsciously Root moves. 

She grabs a pair of cotton shorts and a shirt and goes into the bathroom to change and get some space.  It’s not until she’s changed that the surreal feeling leaves her.  She stares at herself in the mirror.  She’s completely off her game. 

How does she act around Shaw now?  Or maybe that’s the point.  Stop acting and walking on eggshells.  She’s been censoring her feelings and reactions with Shaw since the beginning.  But is Shaw going to be able to deal with it? 

The truth is if this doesn’t work with Shaw, Root’s done.  She’s losing herself in someone who may never be able to feel anything more than sexual attraction in return.  If it doesn’t work, she’ll just lose herself in the missions instead.  She nods at herself in the mirror.  Now that she has an exit plan, she feels more settled.  Not that it’s the best way to start a relationship, but they’re anything but normal.        

Shaw, on the other hand, feels great.  Now that she has an objective, she just needs a strategy and battle plans are her forte.  Once she makes up her mind, she fully commits.  You can’t second guess yourself in the middle of a fight or you’re dead.  She feels almost…giddy?  She needs to get a grip; Root’s not an enemy she’s trying to defeat.  She calms and looks in the fridge.

Root wanders out of the bathroom and Shaw’s at the stove, something sizzling in a pan.  Root peeks.  “Grilled cheeses Sam?!”  She sounds excited so Shaw guesses it’s a good thing.  “Yeah, sorry.  I don’t really have much else.  But we can order takeout if you want?”  Root’s quick to shake her head no.  “It’s perfect.  I love grilled cheeses.”  She sounds wistful and Shaw takes a moment to look at her and smiles.  “I’m glad you’re here.”

Root gives a shy grin.  “Me too.”  She drops on the couch and turns on the TV.  On those rare occasions when Root watches television she opts for sitcoms or funny movies; she also likes sci-fi, which the Machine informs her Shaw doesn’t mind, although she prefers action dramas or thrillers.  Root tries to find a happy medium.  The last Star Wars movie’s available on HBO.  “Sam, have you seen The Phantom Menace?”

“No.  I’ve been meaning to check it out.”  Root waits until Shaw joins her.  A few minutes later, Shaw places a plate piled with grilled cheeses on the coffee table.  She goes back to the kitchen and grabs a beer for herself and a glass of white wine for Root.

Root looks up in surprise.  Shaw doesn’t drink wine and she looks uncomfortable.  “I picked up a bottle on my way home.”  Root smirks.  “Awfully sure of yourself Sameen.”  Shaw smiles smugly but then turns serious.  “More like wishful thinking.” 

Root laughs.  “Should I be looking for a pod somewhere with the real Sameen Shaw?”  Shaw rolls her eyes and swats her with a pillow in mock anger.  Root starts the movie and picks up a sandwich.  “Mmmm…Sam these are delicious.”  Shaw rolls her eyes.  “Don’t sound so surprised.  I have many skills.” 

At first neither one of them know how to move in each other’s space.  It’s awkward and Shaw finally just pulls Root over and puts her arm around her until Root snuggles into her, her head resting on Shaw’s shoulder.

When it’s over, Shaw groans.  “Well that’s two hours we’ll never get back.  How absolutely derivative.”  She turns it off and starts to clear the coffee table.  “It wasn’t that bad Sam.  If you ignore the plot and the mundane special effects, it was pretty good,” Root laughs.  Shaw snorts from the kitchen.  “Well now that I look at it that way, you’re right.  Excellent film.  A classic really.”

Root joins Shaw in the kitchen and wraps her arms around her while Shaw does the dishes.  Shaw stiffens and Root starts to move away.  But Shaw traps her hand between her body and the sink until she stays.  Root knows they’re both in unfamiliar territory, so she’s not offended.

She places a kiss behind Shaw’s ear.  “I’m going to wash up.”  Shaw nods and looks back at her with a smile.  When Shaw’s done with the dishes, Root’s standing by the window.  Shaw turns off the light and the only illumination comes from the moonlight filtering through the trees outside the window. 

Root’s pale skin seems to glow.  Her fingers are drawing random patterns on the glass and she looks…young and vulnerable.  It’s not a look Shaw’s ever seen.  She leaves her to her thoughts while she goes to wash up.  When she comes out Root’s still by the window.

Shaw stands next to her.  “You ready for bed?”  Root looks exhausted and all the scotch is catching up with Shaw.  She yawns and drops onto the bed, crawling under the covers.  Root looks at her, unsure.  Shaw lifts the comforter in invitation and Root slides in next to her.

Shaw reaches for her but Root pulls away.  Before Root says anything Shaw scoots into her and drapes her hand over Root’s stomach, her face resting by Root’s shoulder.  “Good night Root.”  When Root relaxes, Shaw places a small kiss on the skin under her lips.

Shaw drops off to sleep immediately, an ability Root’s always envied.  Shaw can sleep anywhere at any time.  Root stays awake for a while trying to catch up with her feelings.  What Shaw’s offering her is more than she ever expected.  She would’ve settled for a lot less.  The question is can she deal with a lot more?


	4. The Morning After or A Walk In The Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Root smiles teasingly. “Since when is my lap your spot?” Shaw pushes Bear over and lies down, using Root’s lap as a pillow. “Since right now.” Root runs her fingers through Shaw’s hair and looks at her tenderly. She’s fully prepared for Shaw to fidget and look away, but Shaw just smiles back and closes her eyes. “That feels good.”

When Root opens her eyes in the morning the sun’s already high in the sky.  She hasn’t slept so late or so long in forever.  The Machine has been silent though, so she doesn’t feel the need to get up just yet.  Shaw’s side of the bed is cold and Root’s briefly tempted to leave before she gets back.  Instead she snuggles into Shaw’s pillow breathing in her scent and dozes off again.

She wakes when she hears the door and the aromatic smell of coffee makes its way to the bed.  Shaw’s dressed in running clothes, her hair pulled back in her trademark ponytail.  She grins.  She was worried Root wouldn’t be there.  “Hey, you’re awake.  I thought you were going to sleep the day away.”  She kicks off her sneakers and brings Root her coffee.  Root sits up and sips it gratefully.  “Thanks.”

“I’m going to take a quick shower.  Anywhere you need to be today?”  Shaw just sounds curious and not like she’s trying to get rid of her, but Root still answers cautiously.  “I haven’t heard from the Machine, so not really.  But if you need to do stuff I can head over to the subway and see if Finch needs anything.” 

Shaw rolls her eyes.  “Why would you want to do that?  You deserve a day off.  Reese’s handling our only number so far, so why don’t we take Bear for a walk in the park?  Or we can just hang out here.”  Shaw knows she’s going to have to be the one doing the reassuring, even though she’s woefully inexperienced at it.

“Besides, when I said stay with me and gave you a key, I meant it.  I don’t have to be here for you to stay.  If you don’t want to spend the day with me that’s okay too.”  Although for once, Shaw’s feelings are evident in her tone.  Root smiles at her knowingly and Shaw rolls her eyes again and shakes her head.  Root lets her off the hook.  “A walk sounds great.”

 

* * *

 

Shaw took Bear on a short walk in the morning, but when she grabs his ball and leash, he starts wagging his tail and runs to the door.  The day is sunny and clear, and although it’s cold, it’s still mild enough to enjoy the outdoors.

Once in the park, Shaw unleashes Bear even though it’s past the off-leash hours.  He runs ahead and they follow behind him in comfortable silence.  He leads them to the Pond, one of his favorite areas.  Root sits under a nearby tree and watches them play fetch.

Root loves watching Shaw with Bear.  It’s the only time Shaw looks carefree and truly happy.  Bear tires and runs over to Root.  He lies down with his head in her lap.  She laughs and pets him until Shaw joins them.  “Move over Bear, you’re in my spot.”

Root smiles teasingly.  “Since when is my lap your spot?”  Shaw pushes Bear over and lies down, using Root’s lap as a pillow.  “Since right now.”  Root runs her fingers through Shaw’s hair and looks at her tenderly.  She’s fully prepared for Shaw to fidget and look away, but Shaw just smiles back and closes her eyes.  “That feels good.”

Shaw senses someone near and opens her eyes.  A couple of guys are making their way over to the secluded spot where Root and Shaw are relaxing.  Bear stands up and growls.  Shaw fixes them with a dead stare and whatever their intentions might have been, they think better of it and walk away.  Root looks down at Shaw.  “You haven’t lost your touch Sam.”

Shaw smirks.  “I’m hungry.  Let’s go to the grill and get something to eat.”  They had some toast and fruit before they left the apartment, but actually Root’s surprised Shaw hadn’t said anything about food until now.  Shaw stands and pulls Root up after her.  “Come on Bear.  Let’s go eat.” 

 

* * *

 

The grill’s not too full since its late afternoon on a weekday.  They grab a table outside.  Shaw orders a burger and fries and a meat patty for Bear.  Root decides on the chicken Caesar salad.  The waiter brings their drinks and water for Bear.

Shaw’s phone buzzes.  It’s a call from Reese.  “Hey John, I’m a little busy.  What’s up?  Do we have a number?...Oh, okay.  That’s weird.”  Shaw hangs up and Root looks at her questioningly.  “Reese says the number from last night wasn’t in any danger.”

It takes Shaw a minute to reach the same conclusion Root did.  “Do you think the Machine sent me to the bar because She knew you were there?”  Root looks away, not sure how Shaw’s going to react.  “Yes.” When she looks back, Shaw’s not pleased but she doesn’t seem angry.

“Did you know?  Before I got there I mean?”  Root shakes her head.  “No, of course not.  But when I saw you walk in I thought it was too much of a coincidence.  So I asked Her and She said yes but wouldn’t tell me why.”  Shaw frowns.  “I don’t like being manipulated.”  But then she looks at Root.  “But I guess I owe Her one.”

Root’s smile reaches her eyes and it’s the first time Shaw feels the warmth Root always reserves just for her.  Their food arrives and Shaw digs in like she hasn’t eaten in days.  Root tries not to stare, but she loves watching Shaw eat.  She does it with such abandon…it’s sexy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So did the Machine manipulate Shaw into going to the bar to get her to admit her feelings for Root? Or to stop Root from sleeping with Susan?


	5. Difficult Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Machine asked me more than once if I wanted to stop working with the team. She’s always trying to understand human emotions. She says it’s illogical to keep exposing myself to pain when I can avoid it.” Root laughs ruefully.
> 
> “So why did you?” Root doesn’t think before she answers. “Because I’m in love with you.”

Shaw doesn’t want to ruin the moment but there’s a question that’s being plaguing her all day.  “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but have you been dating the whole time we’ve been…?”  But Shaw can’t finish the sentence because she doesn’t want to hear Root throw the word fucking in her face.

Root looks at her thoughtfully.  “I’ll answer if you tell me why you want to know.”  Shaw takes a deep breath.  “I don’t want to make you feel like you need to date again.”  Root feels like she's wandered into an alternate reality and Rod Serling's about to start his monologue. Maybe she’ll wake up any minute and realize she’s back in the asylum hallucinating.  She’s beginning to think there’s a side of Shaw she doesn’t know at all.

“Not really.  A few times when I was bored and you didn’t call or when I was in another city and lonely.  But Susan’s the only one I saw more than once.”  Root never intended on telling Shaw she never slept with any of them, but Shaw’s really put herself out there.  But before she can say anything else Shaw whispers and pain colors her voice.  “I haven’t been with anyone except you since we met.”

Root reaches over and holds Shaw’s hand.  But Shaw’s looking away.  “Sameen.  Look at me please.”  Root waits until Shaw faces her again.  “I’ve always felt rejected by you.  Not sexually, but in every other way that matters.  So I thought if I went out with people who weren’t afraid to show they found me interesting, or funny, or special in some way, I would feel better about myself.  I didn’t sleep with any of them, including Susan.  I wasn’t looking for sex.”

Shaw feels anger coiling in her chest, but she tries to use her words more productively.  “I always trusted you to have my back and I think I showed with my actions I respected your intelligence and your instincts, even when everyone else doubted your motives.  I stood up for you with Finch and Reese, and even Fusco, more times than you know.”

Root nods her head.  “I do know and it’s one of the reasons I’m still here.  The Machine asked me more than once if I wanted to stop working with the team.  She’s always trying to understand human emotions.  She says it’s illogical to keep exposing myself to pain when I can avoid it.”  Root laughs ruefully.

“So why did you?”  Root doesn’t think before she answers.  “Because I’m in love with you.”  Root waits for Shaw to walk away or change the subject, but she just studies Root deliberately. 

“I don’t know if what I’m feeling is love.  I know the thought of losing you makes my chest hurt.  I know I don’t want you to look at anyone else the way you look at me.  I know you’re the only one I don’t mind in my space.  I know I want you to keep making me feel the things you do; even if I can’t identify what they are exactly, it feels good…more than good.”  Shaw looks away and Root knows Shaw feels her words are inadequate.

“That’s okay Sameen.  You don’t have to know.  You don’t have to feel the way I feel.  I just want to know that I matter to you.”  Shaw knows Root means it.  “I don’t need the key or a day in the park.  If you’re doing it just for me, it’s not necessary.  It’s not going to change the way I feel about you.  I don’t want you to be someone you’re not.  But I need you to stop pretending you don’t care.  You don’t have to show it in any particular way…just stop pushing me away.”

Root doesn’t think she can explain it any better.  “Look, let’s just take it one day at a time.  That’s good enough for me.”  Shaw should be happy Root’s not pressuring her, but it dawns on her she wants more.  She can give Root more.  “Okay.  But I still want you to stay with me and I want us to agree not to see other people.  I don’t just mean sex.  If you feel rejected, I want to try to fix it.”

Root’s overwhelmed and can’t help but doubt.  But the only real test will be time.  She smiles at Shaw and for once doesn’t censor her feelings.  “I’d really like that.”  Shaw looks relieved.  “Don’t get mad, but I think I’ve been in war zones that were easier to navigate.”  Root’s laugh comes from deep inside and her face is radiant.


	6. Newsflash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I hate people,” she announces. Root does a mental face palm. There’s a newsflash.

Shaw’s phone buzzes and she looks down with a frown.  “It’s Finch.  He wants me to come to the subway, there’s a new number.”  Now that they navigated the extremely treacherous water of their budding relationship, Root wishes they could spend the rest of the day together.  She can’t help but be disappointed, but nods understandingly.

Shaw pays the check and Root looks at her regretfully.  “I guess I’ll see you later if the Machine doesn’t need me.”  But Shaw’s not ready to leave Root.  “Come with me?”  Root’s not sure it’s a good idea but she shrugs and agrees.

 

* * *

 

Bear immediately lies down on his bed like he’s been run ragged.  Finch looks at him curiously.  “Hello Ms. Shaw.  Ms. Groves…did the Machine send you?”  Shaw practically growls at him.  “No, we were at the park so we came together.  What’s the deal with the new number?” 

Root rests her palm on Shaw’s lower back for a second and Shaw calms down.  “Kiss, kiss to you too Harry.”  Before Finch answers Reese arrives.  “Mr. Reese.”  Reese looks at Root and Shaw and nods hello.  “Hey Root.  Shaw.”  He doesn’t look the least bit surprised to see them together and turns to Finch.  “We have a new number?”

“Yes.  Two actually.  Alex and Miranda Waters.  It appears they may be involved with human trafficking.  We need to start surveillance to determine whether they’re perpetrators or in danger for some other reason.”  Finch prints out their pictures.  “Okay.  Fusco and I will take first watch.  Shaw I’ll call you once we know more.  We may need to split up.” 

Shaw looks at him suspiciously.  It’s not like he never looks into a number alone or with Fusco, but the timing seems convenient.  For her anyway.  He seems to read her mind.  “We may need Fusco if they really are involved with human trafficking.”  He doesn’t say anything else and heads out, already calling the precinct.

The silence in his wake is uncomfortable.  “I’m leaving Bear here Finch.  Call me if anything else comes up.”  Shaw waits for Root.  Root grins at Finch and waves.  “It’s been real Harry.  I’m sure we’ll be working together again soon.  Try not to miss me.”

 

* * *

 

When they get outside, Root grabs Shaw’s hand.  “You know he’s always like that Sam.  I’m used to it.”  Shaw exhales trying to shake off the anger and doesn’t seem to notice they’re holding hands.  “It’s not okay and I’ve told him before he needs to call you Root.”  Now that Shaw’s getting in touch with her feelings, it seems like they’re boiling over.  Root’s worried she’s going to implode.

“Sam, you don’t have to…”  Shaw interrupts.  “I know it seems like I’m being overprotective because of what’s going on with us, but that’s not why.  It’s just that normally I don’t say anything when you’re there.  I wait for you to leave.”  Root raises her eyebrows in shock.  It seems she’s been missing an awful lot.

Shaw’s lost in thought.  “Reese knew why I asked him to come yesterday even though he didn’t ask and I didn’t say.  Well maybe not exactly why, but he knew it was about you.  He told me to say hello.”  Shaw looks up and gives a small smile.  “Reese says hello.”  Root rolls her eyes playfully.  “Does it bother you?  That he sees something that makes him think you care about me?”

Root wouldn’t be bothered if Shaw said yes.  She knows Shaw likes to keep her life compartmentalized.  “It did at first.  I used to deny it and punch him.  But then it just seemed like too much protesting.  Besides I was punching him a lot.  So I just started rolling my eyes at him.  Not that it stopped him from teasing.”  Root’s curious.  “Where did he get the idea in the first place?”

Shaw rolls her eyes, but this time she’s embarrassed.  “I asked if anyone heard from you…uh, occasionally (if occasionally means often).  I fought with Finch about using your chosen name.  I may have expressed my admiration for your skills with a gun once or twice (or every time Root fought with them).  He noticed the way I moved towards you instinctively, especially in a gun fight.  But don’t let it go to your head.”

Root suppresses a grin.  “Of course not.”  She looks around, wondering where they’re going.  “Sweetie why are we on Broadway?”  Shaw looks down somewhat embarrassed again.  She’s never been as embarrassed in her entire life as she has in the last 24 hours.  “Uh, I thought we could pick up some things at the H&M.”  Root raises her eyebrows and waits for an explanation.

“Well I need some new sheets anyway and I thought you might want to get some stuff to leave at the apartment.  You know to sleep in and stuff…”  Root’s about to tease because embarrassed Shaw is a new level of adorable she’s never seen, but thinks better of it.  She knows how hard yesterday was and today has been for Shaw.  “I think that’s an excellent idea sweetie.”

They’re in and out in about 20 minutes, which was how long it took for Shaw to start losing her temper with the crowds.  She got her sheets and Root picked up more than she intended, including some underclothes, jeans, and shirts.  She hasn’t really had a place to keep stuff since she started working with the Machine except the subway and it’s not an ideal arrangement.

She’s trying to take it slow with Shaw, but she catches herself getting excited and making plans, which is bad idea for them anyway.  It’s not like they have much spare time.  But a girl can dream she supposes.

They make it back to the apartment and Shaw throws her shopping bag on the floor.  She grabs a beer and guzzles it, then grabs another one.  “I hate people,” she announces.  Root does a mental face palm.  There’s a newsflash. 


	7. No Sex?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shaw runs her finger lightly over Root’s upper lip. “Are you okay with taking it slower?” Root stills Shaw’s hand gently. “Yes, but I can’t be responsible for what I’ll do if you keep touching me this way...I’m going to go take a cold shower now.”

“Top drawer’s yours.”  Root looks at her in confusion.  “For your clothes Root.  I cleared it out this morning.  There’s also plenty of room in the closet,” Shaw informs her like it’s no big deal.  Root leaves the bag on the couch and Shaw can see the sheen in her eyes. 

Root pulls her in and captures her mouth demandingly, biting at her lips and soothing with her tongue.  Her hands are roving all over Shaw’s body with desperation Shaw’s never felt.  She pushes Shaw up against the wall, nibbling and licking her neck and Shaw can barely keep up.  Root’s managed to unhook her bra and start sucking on a nipple before Shaw can grab her hands and put some space between them.

She catches her breath.  “No.”  Root’s sure she didn’t hear right.  She’s panting and her words come out slowly.  “Sameen, what do you mean no?”  Root stills regardless because no means no under any circumstances, but it’s really hard.  Now that she’s sure Root’s listening, Shaw lets go of her hands and wraps her arms around her waist.  “I mean not yet and not like this.”

“Sameen, we’ve been fu…sleeping together for months.  You’re going to have to be more specific.”  Shaw feels her resolve weakening.  But she wants to take it slower and learn things about each other they never bothered with before.  Plus the next time they have sex it’s going to be more than a way to get off.

“You were right the first time.  We’ve been fucking.”  Root tries to pull away but Shaw expected it and holds her tightly.  “Look at me Root.  I am not rejecting you.  I’ve wanted to touch you all day and its painful being this close and not tearing your clothes off and licking every inch of your body.  I want you touching me, inside me, making me forget my name.  But I need you to believe I want you for something more than sex.  Can you honestly tell me you trust I mean it?  Or that I’m capable of giving you more?”

Root relaxes into Shaw’s body and Shaw runs her hands soothingly down her back.  Root whispers.  “I want to.”  Shaw brutally silences the voice in her head urging an angry retort at Root’s painful admission.  “Me too Root.  We need time for both of us to learn to trust each other in a new way.  We’d take bullets for each other and our sex is incredible. 

But do you feel safe from my anger?”  Root’s annoyed at the question.  “You’d never hurt me Sameen.  That’s ridiculous.”  Shaw takes a deep breath.  “Not physically.  At least not in any way you didn’t want,” she smiles.  “But I will get angry and I will need space sometimes.  But I don’t want you to fear that every time I do, it means I’m walking away from you.”

Root sighs and takes a step back.  They sit on the couch facing each other.  She holds Shaw’s hand.  “You keep talking about all the things you need to do for me.  But what do you need, Sameen?” 

“I need you to stop masking your feelings with innuendo.  It’s your go-to defense mechanism.  Don’t misunderstand.  I don’t want you to stop flirting with me…I like it.  But you need to trust me with your real feelings and thoughts too.”  

It occurs to Root Shaw’s given a lot of thought to what they need from each other.  More thought than Root.  She never thought it’d happen so she tried not to think about it at all.  “Sameen, how long have you been thinking about us…like this…together?”  Shaw exhales sharply.  “Probably not as long as you, but a long time Root…a long time.”

Shaw runs her finger lightly over Root’s upper lip.  “Are you okay with taking it slower?”  Root stills Shaw’s hand gently.  “Yes, but I can’t be responsible for what I’ll do if you keep touching me this way...I’m going to go take a cold shower now.” 

Shaw laughs until she realizes she’s going to need one too.  By the time Shaw’s out of the shower, Root’s dressed to go out.  “Come on sweetie.  You’re numbers just got complicated.  We’re meeting the boys at the subway.”


	8. She Has A Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shaw looks at Root. “You’ll be heading to Thailand.” It’s not a question. “Yes. The Machine has made arrangements. We’ll need to coordinate so we hit at the same time. It will give us the highest probability of significantly disrupting the operation and hopefully destroy it.” 
> 
> “When?” Shaw asks. “The day after tomorrow. 11pm New York time.”

Finch is arguing with Reese when they arrive.  “Mr. Reese, this is simply too complex a case for us to handle.  We need to notify the appropriate authorities.” 

“Who would that be Harry?”  Finch turns around to look at Root.  “The FBI.  This ring is international.  Freeing a few women here won’t even dent the criminal organization.  The authorities can work with international agencies to bring the ring down.”

Root nods like it’s a perfectly reasonable assumption.  “There should be a couple of files on your laptop screen Harry.  Let’s take a look.”  They huddle around the monitor while Finch opens the files.  The first item is a picture of a middle aged man.  “Meet Donald Mecum.  Deputy director of the FBI.”  The next picture shows him exiting a house in a residential neighborhood in DC.  “That’s one of the brothels where the women are kept.”  Harold opens the next picture.  “Meet Ryan Donnelly.  Attorney General of the United States.”  The next picture shows him exiting the same brothel.

Finch looks at Root.  “I presume these files contain more powerful men from around the world in positions of power who are involved in the ring.  So what, exactly, does the Machine propose we do Ms. Groves?”  Root glances at Shaw when she tenses, but Shaw doesn’t comment. 

“I never took you for a sexist Harold.  They’re plenty of women in those pictures.  Anyway, this international ring of sex traffickers is bringing the women from Thailand.  They’re poor and uneducated.  They enter into a “contract” in exchange for visas and travel to the US.  They're told they’ll be freed once they pay their debt.

When they get here, they're transported around the country where they’re forced to work as sex slaves in brothels.  Their families are threatened if they try to escape or get help.  Their debts, of course, are ridiculous and since they’re charged for rent, clothes, food, etc, their debts are never satisfied.  When they’re not working, they’re locked up, usually in the same brothel where they work.”

Reese looks at Finch.  “Even if we only save one woman, we need to get involved Finch.”  They all know Reese will never let a woman be abused if there’s breath in his body to fight it.  “Again.  How can we hope to save any of these women with our limited resources?”

“Maybe you should try listening to Root,” Shaw finally comments.  Both she and Reese look to Root.  “Obviously Finch is right.  This organization involves various tiers of employees, from house bosses to muscle to keep the girls in line.  However, we only need to focus on the people responsible for bringing in the women.  Eliminate the supply and a few key members and we destroy the ring. 

Once that’s done the Machine will notify local law enforcement all over the country and there will be a series of small busts in every city with a brothel.  There’ll be too many simultaneously for anyone to effectively derail the dismantling of the brothels and the women will be safe."

Finch stands and frustration is evident in the tilt of his head and the tightness of his voice.  “And how do you propose we accomplish that, Ms. Groves?  We can’t be everywhere at once.”  Root pouts.  “Harry.  You need to learn to trust Her.  She has a plan.”

Finch’s outnumbered because both Shaw and Reese are ready to do whatever it takes.  “Mr. and Mrs. Waters head the US side of the operation.  All the women are brought to New York from Thailand and then transported around the country.  The recent arrivals are being held in a warehouse on the docks.  You need to take out the Waters’ and free the women.”

Shaw catches Root’s use of the word ‘you.’  But Finch screeches before Root says anything else.  “Are you suggesting we kill them?!”  Root sighs.  “No time to be squeamish Harold.  How many women do you think die from abuse and disease and violence in these brothels?” 

Finch’s agitation only increases with Root’s calm answer.  “Absolutely not!  We do not kill people, no matter how vile.  That is a line I am not willing to cross under any circumstances.”

Reese and Shaw look at each other.  It’s not really up to Finch.  They’re the ones who’ll be out doing the dirty work while Finch waxes poetic about his principles from the safety of the subway.  Reese knows it’s up to him to talk to Finch and figure out a way to make it work so he can live with it. 

“We can capture them and take them to my friend at the prison in Mexico.  They’ll never see the light of day and hard labor doesn’t begin to describe the life there.”  Reese has done this with several of the incorrigible perpetrators who are too dangerous to leave loose to prey on society.

“It’s still depriving them of their right to a trial by their peers, Mr. Reese.  What you’re suggesting may be a fate worse than death.”  Reese remains calm.  “We don’t live in an ideal world Finch.  This is a compromise you’ll have to live with.  We are not letting these women continue to be victimized.”

Shaw and Root know Finch will go along with Reese’s plan, no matter his reservations.  Finch loves Reese and he’ll never walk away from him.  It’s not something Finch feels for the rest of them.

Shaw looks at Root.  “You’ll be heading to Thailand.”  It’s not a question.  “Yes.  The Machine has made arrangements.  We’ll need to coordinate so we hit at the same time.  It will give us the highest probability of significantly disrupting the operation and hopefully destroy it.” 

“When?” Shaw asks.  “The day after tomorrow.  11pm New York time.”  Reese nods and Harold’s already walked off to the subway car to lick his wounds.  “Reese, let’s scope out the targets tomorrow.  I’ll meet you here in the morning.”  Reese is looking at a pacing Finch through the windows of the subway car.  “Okay Shaw.  Good luck Root.  Be careful.”

 

* * *

 

Shaw doesn’t say anything until they’re back at the apartment.  “When do you leave?”  Root doesn’t look any happier than Shaw.  “Tonight.”  Shaw nods her head.  “Sameen, I…”  But she’s not sure what she can say.

“I know Root.  This is our job.  I wish you weren’t leaving so soon, but I get it.  Just come back safe.  I’ll be here when you get back.”  Shaw knows Root may not necessarily come back to New York when she’s done in Thailand.  If the Machine needs her somewhere else, then she’ll go. 

“You should eat before you leave.  Is Chinese okay?”  Root nods and Shaw picks up her phone to order, but realizes she has no clue what Root wants or likes.  “Uh, what should I get you?”

 

* * *

 

 

When Root’s ready to leave, Shaw pulls her close.  They both know nothing guarantees either of them survival, so what’s the point of promises they may not be able to keep?  “Do you have your key?”  Root gives a small but genuine smile.

“Yes…I’ll call you to coordinate once everything’s set on my end.”  Root pulls Shaw to her, her kiss deep with tongue and teeth and its gentle and rough too and soooo hot.  They pull away when the heat builds between them, knowing they need to stop, out of breath.  Shaw shakes her head smiling.  “What?  You never said we couldn’t kiss.  I’m not a saint, Sameen.”  Root smiles wickedly.


	9. The Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But is that love? Wanting the person in your bed to be there?

When they meet in the morning, both Reese and Shaw look like they got very little sleep.  Reese brought Shaw coffee and they set out to the warehouse.  It’s going to be the more challenging target since it’s heavily guarded.  They decide the best plan will be to create a distraction to draw the outside guards away.  Then infiltrate and deal with the guards inside.  Fusco will provide backup and deal with the women once they’re freed.

They expect the Waters to be home at the time of the raid.  Shaw will take care of them and then backup Reese and Fusco.  Reese decides to go to the subway to talk to Finch, but Shaw has zero interest.  She goes home to take a nap and eat.  She’s meeting Reese the following day after sunset to set the explosives for the distraction at the warehouse.

 

* * *

 

Shaw stares at her bed.  Root was only there one night.  But it represented so many firsts for them.  The first time they were together without having sex.  The first time Root spent the night.  The first time they woke up in bed together.  For Shaw it was also the first time she woke up with anyone in her bed.  Ever.

She had stayed in bed for a while, just gazing at Root and trying to understand what she was feeling.  It felt right and Shaw had slept better than she had in as long as she could remember.  Root looked so peaceful and beautiful.  Her mahogany hair splayed over the pillow, her right hand tucked under her chin. 

Shaw almost woke her, she wanted nothing more than to…but that’s as far as she got.  Because she didn’t want to just fuck Root.  But she’s never even said the words ‘making love’ out loud and she has no clue what it means.  Does it mean slow and gentle or is it just a feeling?  Caring about the person you’re sharing yourself with?  Saying I love you?

That’s when she started feeling a little claustrophobic and decided to go for her run.  But even when she left, she didn’t regret Root being there.  In fact, she was a little afraid Root wouldn’t be there when she got back.  She wanted her to be there.  But is that love?  Wanting the person in your bed to be there?

 

* * *

 

She drifts into a light doze but wakes instantly when she hears her phone.  “Root?”  There’s a lot of static before the line clears.  “Hey sweetie, did I wake you?  I know it’s late.  I was going to wait until tomorrow morning, but I wanted to talk to you.  You want me to call back?”

Shaw’s happy Root can’t see her because the smile on her face is probably goofy.  Shaw doesn’t do goofy but that’s what it feels like.  She decides not to look in the mirror.  She doesn’t want to know.  “Take a breath Root.  (1) No, I wasn’t really sleeping.  (2) Yes it’s late.  (3) I want to talk to you too.  (4) No, I don’t want you to call back.  Well you can call again, but we can talk now too…fuck.  You know what I mean.”  Root laughs and Shaw feels warm inside.

“Are you okay?” 

“Yes, Sam.  Everything’s in place for tomorrow.  Did you and John get everything you need?”

“Yeah, we’re ready.”

Then there’s a silence Shaw’s not sure how to fill.  “Uh, Sameen I never got a chance to say thank you.  For the key, and grilled cheeses, and the park, and…mostly for sharing yourself with me.”  Shaw feels a different pain in her chest.  “Root?  Can a person feel good and bad at the same time?”

“Of course sweetie.  Why?”

“Well I think I’m feeling them both, but I’m not sure why.”

“I’m sorry Sameen.  I wish I was there too.  I’m happy we’re…being honest with each other.  But I wish we were together as in sharing the same space.  Does that make sense?”  Shaw nods before she remembers Root can’t see her.  “It does now…

I hope the Machine doesn’t have you staying in a hovel.”  Root knows Shaw needs to move to safer ground and looks around at her hotel room.  “Well, it’s not the Ritz, but I’m pretty sure I’m not sharing the room with any rodents.”  She can hear Shaw growl.  “I can’t believe…”  She stops when she hears Root laughing.  “You’re too easy Sam.  It’s fine.

What about you?  Are you okay…with everything?”

Shaw thinks about it.  “Yes.  I’m good.  I liked waking up with you in my bed.  It didn’t suck.”  Root can hear the laugh in Shaw’s voice.  “I’m not as easy as you Sam…but I’m glad it wasn’t horrible.  Maybe when I’m back we can do some actual sucking…”

“Root!” 

“Well a girl can dream.”

“Well dream of me masturbating with you on my mind.  Because that’s what I’m doing next.”  Root should’ve known Shaw was good at payback.  But so is she.  “We can have phone sex.  It’s pretty much the same thing except we can hear each other.”

She whispers, her voice low and raspy…”Sameen…”

“We’re hanging up now Root.  Stay safe.  Call me when it’s done.”

“You’re no fun Sam."  Shaw can hear the pout in her voice.  "Take care of yourself.”


	10. Shit Meet Fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shaw rolls her eyes at him. “Trust you to always be late to the party Fusco. The only thing left to do is cleanup.”

Shaw and Reese have no trouble setting the explosives and Shaw heads to the Waters' home to wait.  She does a recon of the property and immediately realizes it’s not going to be a cakewalk.  “Reese.  There are a lot more guards tonight than we saw yesterday.  You think they know something’s up?”  Reese doesn’t answer right away.  “Maybe.  There’s increased security here too.  Call Root.”

Shaw hangs up and dials.  “Sam, is something wrong?”  Shaw brings her up to date.  “Hold on.  Shit Sam.  They’re moving the women tonight.  That explains the increased security.  On the other hand, they’re not expecting you.  You should expect the Waters to leave at some point to oversee the operation at the warehouse.”  Shaw thinks.  It’s not unusual for a mission to go sideways and she excels at adapting.  “We can still make it work.”

Root’s about to suggest they wait for another night even if they lose the girls, but she trusts Shaw.  “Let me know if we need to abort.  Stay safe Sameen, and be careful.”

Shaw calls Reese and fills him in.  “We need Fusco to bring SWAT in on the raid.”

“Shaw that’s not so easy.  He needs to justify it.  How does he know about the ring and where the girls are being kept?  I’m not even sure he can do it logistically with such short notice.  SWAT isn’t sitting around fully armed in their truck waiting to roll out.”

“He can tell them he’s been following a lead and just got confirmation from his source of their location and that they’re moving the women tonight.  I know it’s weak, but we can’t fail Reese.”

“Can you handle the Waters on your own?”

“Not a problem.  These guys aren’t military or anything, just average security guys.”

“Okay.  I’ll call Fusco now.”  Fusco starts yelling the minute Reese finishes talking.  “Sure, I’ll just pull out the SWAT team I keep in my pocket!  The NYPD is not you people’s private army!  What am I supposed to say?!  ‘My friend the urban legend called and him and his loony tune pals need backup to take out a sex-trafficking ring?!”  Reese waits until Fusco tires himself out.  “I’m sure you’ll think of something Lionel.  I have faith in you.”

 

* * *

 

Shaw reevaluates the guards’ patrol.  Now that they’re more of them, she has less time to infiltrate between sweeps.  She makes a decision Finch won’t like but she’ll just finagle an explanation.  Like they left her no choice.  It’s not a lie.  It’s the only way to do it without risking her life.  She’ll do it without hesitation when it’s necessary, but tonight that’s not the case.

She makes her way to the side of the property where she has an unobstructed view.  She finds a tree with branches thick enough to support her weight and rigs a makeshift stand to help steady the rifle.  She knows they’ll be coming out the front door because there’re two SVUs parked in the driveway.

She doesn’t have to wait long.  It’s over in seconds.  She confirms the kills through her scope and makes a quick escape.  Now she can backup Reese at the warehouse.  News of the Waters’ death will travel fast and hopefully that will throw the whole operation into disarray, giving them a better chance to get the girls out safely.

 

* * *

 

She finds Reese.  He glances at the sniper rifle slung over her shoulder but doesn’t comment at her early arrival.  “Reese I’m going to set up on the container and provide cover fire.  Did we get SWAT?”  Reese shrugs.  “I’m not sure since I haven’t heard from Fusco.  But it seems they might not be moving the girls after all.  A few SVUs loaded with guards left a few minutes ago.”

Shaw grins and Reese quirks his lips.  “They probably heard their bosses are dead.  Maybe we shouldn’t wait Reese.  Hit them now before they get a chance to regroup and the other guards get back.”  Reese considers the advantages and potential danger in going in without backup.  But they’re not even sure Fusco will make it on time with SWAT.  He nods his agreement.

 

* * *

 

Shaw feels the adrenaline course through her body.  “Wait until I’m in position, then detonate.  As soon as it’s clear, we’ll move.”  Reese knows ‘clear’ is relative.  There’s no way they’ll be able to take out all the outside guards, but they just need enough of a distraction to make it inside without being discovered.  Once inside they’ll have to improvise since they have no idea what the layout looks like.

Shaw’s gone in an instant.  He waits until he can barely make out her outline on the container.  If you don’t know exactly where to look, she’s practically invisible.  The container’s too tall for anyone to see on top from the ground anyway.

He detonates the explosives and immediately hears the shots from Shaw’s rifle.  Guards begin to drop and he heads for the warehouse.  As he approaches, he sees other guards run out.  Amateurs.

He cuts through the lock on the back door.  He noticed a similar lock hanging from the front door.  The girls would be roasted alive with no way out if a fire broke out. 

There’s a long hallway with three doors, one on each side and a door at the other end.  He softly opens the door on his right a few inches.  It’s full of women on mattresses on the floor.  They look at him fearfully, but don’t say anything.  At least they’re not chained up, which will make it easier to get them out.  He finds the same thing behind the door to his left. 

He approaches the door at the other end of the hallway.  He listens for a moment and hears men shouting.  It most likely leads to the front of the warehouse.  He uses the bolt cutter to jam the door, buying himself some time if anyone thinks to look back here.  He already opened the back of the truck they were going to use to move the girls.  Reese is going to appropriate it for a better use.  He just has to get the girls to follow him quietly.

He opens the doors and starts gesturing for the girls to follow him.  When no one moves, he whispers.  “I’m here to get you out.  I’m not going to hurt you.”  He locks eyes with a young girl on a mattress by the door.  She’s looking at him with intelligent eyes and it’s obvious she understands English.

“They’re too afraid of the men.”  Reese checks the hallway.  “We need to get them out to the truck.  I’ll take you to safety.  I wouldn’t be here by myself if I was planning to kidnap you for another gang.  You have to help me convince them before the men think to look back here.  We need to hurry.”

The girl starts whispering in Thai, making her way through the room.  The women start to move tentatively to the door.  When the girl comes back, Reese gestures to her.  “What’s your name?”

“Mei.”

“Okay Mei.  I need you to get the girls from the other room to start moving to the hallway while I start taking the first group to the truck.  If any of the men come back here, just lie down again.  Do not try to fight them. Understand?”  Mei nods her head and moves quickly.

Reese checks the back door, but no one’s thought to come behind the warehouse.  He knows he doesn’t have a lot of time because he hears the gunfire petering out.  He opens the back of the truck and keeps watch while the girls get in.  Mei comes out of the warehouse and the second group start running towards the truck.

“Mei, tell them I’m going to close the doors but not lock them.  Just until we’re far enough away.  Can you drive?”  She can and Reese decides to use it to their advantage.  “I need you to drive the truck straight through the front gates.  Drive as fast as you can.  Turn right and drive about a mile down the road and wait for me.  I’m going to make sure no one follows us.  Can you do that?”

Mei looks at him like he’s stupid and gets in the truck without another word.  When she drives away Reese makes his way back into the building.  He calls Shaw on their comm.  “Shaw?  Where are you?”  She doesn’t answer.  “If you can hear me I’m in the warehouse approaching from the back.”  He hopes they can avoid getting caught in their own crossfire.

He removes the bolt cutter and shoots the lock out, no longer worrying about making noise.  He gets off a few shots before he’s spotted.  He dives for cover behind a nearby column.  He notices Shaw in a similar position at the front.  From the way she’s moving its obvious something’s wrong.

But when she sees him she grins fiercely.  She tosses a grenade into the warehouse and Reese rushes to her side.  He helps her up and they start moving towards the back, firing as they retreat.  There’re too many men still left out front to fight their way out.

Luckily, they hear sirens getting louder.  As they start making their way to the gate, a SWAT team is already there and men are pouring out, engaging the remaining guards.  Fusco sees them and runs over.  Shaw rolls her eyes at him.  “Trust you to always be late to the party Fusco.  The only thing left to do is cleanup.”  She never hears his answer because she passes out in Reese’s arms.


	11. John's Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Machine directs Root to a private airfield practically a minute after the mission is completed. She arranged for a charter jet to take Root back to New York immediately. Root tries to call Shaw but isn’t able to reach her. It’s not really cause for concern. The team may still be involved in the aftermath of the operation. The Machine told her they were successful, but has been silent ever since. Still.

Shaw’s in and out of consciousness, but in a moment of lucidity realizes she’s lying on a bed.  “Root…”  Finch rushes over.  “She’s fine Ms. Shaw.  The Thailand operation was successful.”  Before she passes out again Shaw whispers, “don’t tell her…don’t tell her I’m hurt.”

Finch holds her hand reassuringly until she falls unconscious again a few moments later.  He turns to the doctor.  “What’s the prognosis Dr. Malchiodi?”  The doctor was a previous number they saved and helps them when they have medical emergencies.  They’re at the safe house where one of the rooms is equipped with the medical equipment necessary to treat most injuries.

“She’s lost a lot of blood.  The knife hit high but it penetrated her right lung causing the collapse.  Luckily her ribs deflected the blade and protected her heart.  Now that we inflated it, the lung should heal in a couple of weeks, as long as she doesn’t develop any infections, but it’s impossible to know whether she’ll survive the gunshot to the head. 

She survived the surgery to remove the bullet, which is encouraging and statistically gives her a 50% chance of recovering.  It didn’t hit any vital brain tissue or vascular structures, but she’ll need acute and critical care for at least the next two weeks.  But even if she recovers, there may be some type of brain damage.  Anything from seizures to more severe functional impairments may occur. 

But Mr. Finch, she needs to be in an intensive care unit to give her the best chance of survival.  You have a sophisticated setup here, but she needs specialized care by medical professionals experienced in brain trauma.”  Harold nods his understanding.  “Thank you Jim.” 

“Call me if there’s anything else I can do.  But get her to a hospital sooner rather than later.”  Finch walks him to the door. 

Reese sits on the couch his head thrown back against the cushion.  “We need to reach Root.”  Finch frowns.  “I am not sure that would be advisable Mr. Reese.  There’s nothing she can do from halfway across the world.  What purpose will it serve?”

Reese sits up.  “If something happens to Shaw and we didn’t tell Root, it will kill her Finch.  She needs to be told.”  Finch knows Root and Shaw’s relationship is complicated but he doesn’t understand Reese’s insistence.  “Mr. Reese, we will all suffer if Ms. Shaw doesn’t recover.  I am sure Ms. Groves has the fortitude to overcome the loss.”

Reese never raises his voice, but he needs to get through to Finch and he’s practically growling.  “Root is in love with Shaw in a way neither of us can understand.  If Shaw dies, Root will not survive.  Now you tell the Machine it needs to arrange for the type of care Shaw needs immediately and Root needs to be told of Shaw’s condition as soon as she can be reached.  Otherwise, I’m done Finch.”

Finch is shocked.  Not just at Reese’s tone but at his ultimatum.  “I’ll see what I can do Mr. Reese.”  Reese’s look says Finch better do more than ‘see’ what he can do.  He better make it happen. 

Reese already tried calling Root, but hasn’t been able to reach her.  The only thing they know from the Machine is the mission was a success and Root’s fine, but they haven’t heard from Root directly.

 

* * *

 

 

The Machine directs Root to a private airfield practically a minute after the mission is completed.  She arranged for a charter jet to take Root back to New York immediately.  Root tries to call Shaw but isn’t able to reach her.  It’s not really cause for concern.  The team may still be involved in the aftermath of the operation.  The Machine told her they were successful, but has been silent ever since.  Still. 

Root can’t shake the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.  Even with a smooth flight, it will still take approximately 20 hours to arrive in New York since they need to stop to refuel.  Root vows never to be so far away from Shaw again and settles in to wait.  She knows she won’t be sleeping anytime soon.


	12. Finch Sucks or My Name Is Root

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Root’s too hoarse to talk, she finds whatever sports game is on the radio. Shaw’s into pretty much all types of sports. Root, on the other hand, can’t name the bases in baseball.

Reese is waiting for Root when she lands in New York and rushes her into a car.  The minute she sees him, she knows it’s bad.  “Shaw’s hurt.”  Root swears her heart stops beating completely, but she looks at John calmly.  “What happened to her John?”

“She was shot.”  Root knows there’s more.  “Is she alive?”  Reese rushes to reassure her.  “Yes.” 

“So what aren’t you telling me?”

“She was shot in the head.  The bullet didn’t hit any vital brain tissue or vascular structures, but she’s in critical condition.  She had surgery to remove the bullet, but she’s only regained consciousness once.  She asked for you.”  Root nods and turns to look out the window.  She doesn’t ask anything else or make a sound, but Reese can see her tears in the reflection.

 

* * *

 

“Ms. Groves, I’m so…”  But Root ignores Finch and turns to Reese.  “Take me to her.”  Reese takes her to Shaw’s room and leaves Root alone with her.  They’re in the VIP wing of a small private hospital.  Right now Shaw is the only patient.

Shaw looks so small, dwarfed by all the medical equipment monitoring her condition and the bandages binding her wounds and Root feels suffocated by the medicinal smell permeating the air.  She leans over the bedrail and kisses one of the only free spots on Shaw’s cheek, holding one of her fingers gently.  “I’m here Sameen.  I’m not going anywhere.  Please…come back to me.”

She spends an hour just looking at Shaw, holding her hand, her brain completely shut down.  When she pulls away she takes a deep breath.  She needs to be strong for Shaw.  There’s no time for her to have the nervous breakdown she’s teetering on.  She reads Shaw’s medical chart before leaving the room.  “I’ll be right back sweetie.”

 

* * *

 

Reese and Finch are still in the waiting room.  “Ms. Groves…”  The indifferent look on Root’s face stops him cold.  “My _name is Root. _”__

She turns to Reese.  “You left out a few things John.  She was also stabbed and her lung collapsed.  She had to be resuscitated twice and lost so much blood she needed a transfusion.  Why didn’t she have backup John?  Where exactly were you?”

Reese doesn’t make any excuses.  He also knows Root’s not asking for an after action report.  He hugs her and doesn’t let her go when she tries to push him away.  Root stops struggling and they stay that way for a few minutes. 

“I had the Machine arrange to have a few things brought to her room John.  Please make sure to bring them in as soon as they’re delivered.”

Finch is just standing there at a loss.  “Samantha…”  Root starts to walk away but changes her mind.  “I am not going to tell you again Harold.  My name is Root.”  She stares at him furiously.  “If she dies, you better hope I never see you again.”

 

* * *

 

Shaw’s room is big with a lot of windows.  Root’s sitting in a padded chair next to Shaw’s feet so she can face her.  The chair reclines enough so she’ll be able to sleep in it.  She insisted the staff help her change the bed sheets to the ones she had delivered and Shaw into a tank top and shorts, which is what she usually sleeps in.

Root had to fight like hell.  The staff kept insisting they might need emergency access and the hospital gown was necessary.  But Root was adamant.  “Slice it down the middle if it comes to it.”  She thought she was going to have to shoot someone, but suddenly additional nurses were sent and they did as Root asked.  Root’s not sure who was responsible for the sudden turnaround, but she knows something happened behind the scenes.

Root thinks it’s important Shaw be comfortable and surrounded by familiar things.  The Machine has been reporting on all the relevant medical studies and it makes sense to her Shaw can hear even though she’s unconscious.  Root wants to be the first person she sees when she wakes up.

Root talks to Shaw about anything that comes to mind.  Food she likes, her childhood, why she loves Shaw, the personalities of the nurses and doctors and whether Shaw would want to punch them or not, reminisces about things they’ve done together…nothing is off limits.

Root’s also reading her favorite sci-fi book, Stranger in A Strange Land, out loud to her.  It’s the kind of story Shaw likes.  Funny but with deeper subtext. Shaw loves to think about things, even though she doesn’t often share her thoughts.

When Root’s too hoarse to talk, she finds whatever sports game is on the radio. Shaw’s into pretty much all types of sports.  Root, on the other hand, can’t name the bases in baseball.

 

* * *

 

Clinically the news is better than expected.  There’s no longer any swelling and all the scans show no damage and normal brain activity.  Her body is healing, but there’s no way to know when she’ll come out of it.

It’s been three days.  Reese brings Root food every day and nags her about eating and keeping her strength up the way Shaw would.  He visits Shaw for a little when he comes, telling her about his day and Fusco’s absurd antics.  Today he also brought a bottle of Shaw’s favorite scotch.

When they’re on their second drink, he brings up Finch.  “He’d like to visit Root, but he doesn’t want to upset you.”

“I don’t want him here.”  Reese thinks he knows why Root’s so mad at Finch, but he tries to get her to talk about it because maybe it will help her deal with her feelings.  “Will you tell me why?”

Root doesn’t answer for a long time, but Reese’s a patient man.  “Instead of helping us plan the raids, he pouted like a child who didn’t get his way, spouting his ideals like they’re swords he can use to enforce his version of right and wrong. 

He’s a brilliant man John.  He’s often helped us to find ways to stay safe while still completing the mission.  Even if all he could do was monitor cameras and try to warn us of impending danger. 

But because he didn’t agree with us, he withheld his help as punishment.  Maybe Shaw would still be right here, but he did nothing to help keep her safe. 

I’ve endured a lot of his criticism over the years and tried my best to meet his expectations, mostly because I believe he was right.  I was on a dark path and he helped me to change.  But he abandoned Shaw and that I won’t forgive.”

Reese takes no comfort in being right about Root’s reasons and he doesn’t try to change her mind.  Finch will have to find a way to work it out with Root.  He’ll have a better chance when Shaw wakes up. 

Reese keeps Root company for a little while longer and slips out quietly when she dozes off.


	13. Can I Call You Lover? or Dr. Pompous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I really miss you Sameen. I wouldn’t even mind if you rolled your eyes at me and scowled. Although, on second thought, I’d rather you kiss me. Everywhere.” Root leans down and kisses Shaw on the lips, which are moist from the lip balm Root’s been applying so Shaw’s lips don’t crack.

For the first time in three days, Root sleeps till morning.  She takes a quick shower and munches on one of the apples Reese left for her.  She kisses Shaw like she does every morning and spends time holding her hand.  “Okay Sameen.  I think you’ve been sleeping enough.  I’m bored.  I want us to go home and watch television or take a walk in the park.  But you need to come back to me.”

Root thinks she sees Shaw’s leg twitch but she stares for awhile and it doesn’t happen again.  Later in the day, they’re listening to a game on the radio when a loud bang startles Root.  She looks around and realizes the book she was reading Shaw fell on the floor.  Root had left it at the foot of Shaw’s bed, but it wasn’t on the edge or anything.  She’s convinced Shaw’s moving her leg or at least her foot.

She buzzes for the nurse who comes in immediately.  Root explains and the nurse leaves to notify the doctor.  He examines Shaw and then stays in the room a little longer to observe.  Root thinks he’s pompous but he’s a top specialist in his field.

She whispers to Shaw, but it’s still loud enough for the doctor to hear.  Root doesn’t really care.  “Sameen, this guy’s getting on my nerves.  Come back so we can go home or at least you can punch him for me.  They’ll let patients get away with that sort of thing.”  Shaw turns her head towards the sound of Root’s voice.

Root whips her head around to see if Pompous was paying attention.  He’s already moving towards the bed.  “Sameen, can you open your eyes for me?”  Root frowns.  “Call her Shaw.  No one calls her Sameen except me.”  He sighs exasperatedly, but does as she asks.  “Ms. Shaw, can you hear me?”  But Shaw doesn’t respond.

But when Root speaks to her again, she turns towards her voice.  Root moved to the other side of the bed while the doctor was examining Shaw, so it’s clear its Root’s voice she’s responding to.  Root can’t help the surge of hope that swamps her heart.

Pompous agrees it’s deliberate and not random movement.  “I don’t want you to have unrealistic expectations, but this is an encouraging development.  Please tell the nurse if you observe any further movement.”  Root rolls her eyes at him but nods her agreement.  Once he’s out of the room, Root starts talking.

 

* * *

 

 

“Sameen, I’ve been thinking.  Would you mind if I used nicknames for you?  Like babe or baby or maybe honey?  It could be hot, especially during sex.”  Root cocks her head, thinking.  “What about hot stuff or lover?  Ooh I like that one.  Maybe I can start introducing you as my lover.  I know, I know, who would I possibly be introducing you to?  But it could happen.  I’m going to practice so I’m ready. 

I know! I can reintroduce you to everyone we already know.  With all the recent developments it is like you’re a new person.  I’ll try it on John when he comes later.  No?  Too soon?  You’re no fun Sam.”  Root moves every so often as she talks and Shaw turns towards her voice every time.

“I really miss you Sameen.  I wouldn’t even mind if you rolled your eyes at me and scowled.  Although, on second thought, I’d rather you kiss me.  Everywhere.”  Root leans down and kisses Shaw on the lips, which are moist from the lip balm Root’s been applying so Shaw’s lips don’t crack.  Shaw opens her eyes momentarily and Root freezes, hoping she’s not just seeing what she wants to see.

“Your eyes are as beautiful as ever Sam.  They’re so expressive.  They’ve always told me things you’d rather I not know.  It’s one of the reasons I knew you cared, even if you never said it.  Like the time I saved you from Control.  Your eyes told me you knew I’d come.  That you believed in me.  I believe in you too Sameen.  I know you want to come back to me.  I’m right here.”

 

* * *

 

 

Root stops long enough to notify the nurses and endures another visit from Dr. Pompous.  This time she doesn’t let him talk to Shaw.  “Sameen.  Open your eyes for me lover.”  Shaw opens her eyes and they stay open.  It takes a minute but she turns toward Root and focuses.  Root moves to the other side of the bed when Pompous insists on examining Shaw.  Shaw tracks Root’s movement until she’s next to her again.

“Ms. Shaw, can you squeeze my hand?”  But Shaw doesn’t turn to look at him or follow his command.  But she does for Root.  Root can’t help it.  She’s crying and smiling and her heart’s bursting out of her skin. 

When Dr. Pompous stabs Shaw’s foot with his pen, she practically kicks him and she does look at him then, although he might wish she hadn’t.  It’s an intimidating look she gives him before she turns back to Root. 

She’s trying to speak but it comes out raspy and very low.  “do…don’t… cry.”  Of course, it only makes Root cry harder, but she’s laughing too and Shaw smiles at her a little. 

“It’s normal for speech to be garbled at first, but the more she tries to communicate, the clearer it will become.”  Root’s really had enough of this guy and she doesn’t try to keep the annoyance from her voice.  “I understood her just fine.  She said ‘don’t cry.’  Seems to me not only is her speech clear, but she’s aware of her surroundings.  Don’t you think?”

Pompous admits Root’s right.  “Okay.  Try to let her rest.  It can be overwhelming to be suddenly bombarded with sensory stimulation.  I’ll check on her later.”  But Root stops him before he makes it out the door.  “Can she have water?”

“Of course.  I’ll have the nurse bring you a pitcher.”  Shaw holds Root’s hand until the nurse comes in with the water.  She serves a little in a glass with a straw.  She leans over intending to bring it to Shaw’s mouth, but Root takes it from her hand.  “I’ll do it.”

The nurse smiles at her kindly and raises the head of the bed.  “Just make sure to start with a little at a time.  I’m Ruby; if you need anything press the call button.  I’ll be here until 7pm.”  Root thanks her and Ruby closes the door softly behind her.

 

* * *

 

 

Shaw takes a sip and clears her throat.  “Sameen if you’re tired I’ll let you rest.  I’ll stay right here next to you.”  Shaw shakes her head no slowly.  “Not tired…no to honey and hot stuff…rest of them only in private.”  Root has just managed to stop crying, but the tears start to trickle down her face again.

“Okay lover.”  Shaw actually rolls her eyes.  “I liked…the book.”  Root’s surprised.  “You heard me?  Scratch that, it’s a stupid question.  But wow.” 

Shaw looks around the room and down at herself.  “I’m in my clothes.”  Root nods.  “I had them brought over and made them let you wear them.  Hospital gowns are so not sexy.”  Shaw nods absentmindedly.  Root remembers Shaw asked her to stop hiding behind innuendos, so she turns serious.

“I love you Sameen.  I’m so happy you’re awake.  I don’t know what I would’ve done…”  Shaw squeezes her hand and smiles.  “I thought you’d be mad.” 

“Why would I possibly be mad at you?”

“Because I got hurt…did John tell you what happened?”

“No, but we don’t have to talk about it now.  It doesn’t matter.  All that matters is you’re okay and you came back to me.”  Root can’t stop grinning.

“What’d I miss?”

“I have no idea.  I’ve been here with you since I got back from Thailand.  But John’s been coming every day and bringing me food and talking to you.  He kept me company.  He really supported me Sam…I never thought he cared for me much, but he’s been a good friend.  To both of us.”

Shaw smiles.  “What about Finch?”  Root looks at her guiltily.  “I’m sorry but I didn’t let him come after the first day.  I couldn’t stand to look at him and I’ll never forgive him.”

Shaw knows how much Root looks up to Finch.  “It’s not his fault Root.  John and I made the call.”  But Root shakes her head emphatically.  “He left you two without any type of backup because he didn’t agree with our decision.  He could’ve tried to help.  He could’ve found the blueprints for the warehouse, monitored communication between the Waters’ and the goons at the dock, and he could’ve used the cameras to give you up to the minute intel.  There were cameras all over that place.  They used them to monitor the girls.”

Shaw understands how she feels.  “Did it work?”

“Yes.  I took out the boss and the moneyman in Thailand.  John got the girls at the dock out safely and the Machine executed the rest of Her plan.  There were hundreds of arrests all over the country.” 

Shaw’s happy she didn’t almost die for nothing at least.  “Root, I’m sorry I put you through this.”  Root places her fingers gently on Shaw’s lips.  “We’re in this together Sameen.  No matter what happens.”

“Uh…when you call John to tell him, ask him not to come until I’m out of here.  It’s embarrassing.  He can come see me at the apartment when we go home.”  Root’s not surprised.

Reese is relieved when Root tells him Shaw’s awake.  She passes on Shaw’s request and he laughs.  “Typical Marine.”  He tells Root he’ll let Finch and Fusco know.


	14. We Need To Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though she does feel better, Root’s not at all sure she can leave Shaw to go on a mission far away, at least not one that takes her out of the country. But she gets up and kisses her goodbye at the door anyway.

It only takes two more days for Shaw to terrorize the nurses and doctors until they agree to discharge her.  Root tries to get her to stay a few more days just to be safe, but Shaw refuses.  “No.  I want to sleep in our bed and eat normal food and see Bear.”  Shaw makes her priorities crystal clear.  She wants Root, food, and Bear.  In that order.  It doesn’t escape Root’s notice Shaw said ‘our bed,’ but she leaves it in the back of her mind for now.

Other than being a little weak, Shaw recovers quickly and there doesn’t seem to be any residual damage from the gunshot wound.  After Shaw’s last appointment, when they’re sure Shaw’s okay, Root starts the teasing.  “I’ve always said I never met a more stubborn person, babe.  It doesn’t surprise me your head can stop bullets.”

Shaw groans.  “Are you ever going to use my name again?  I never should’ve agreed to let you use them.  I take it back.  You took advantage of me when I was in a coma!  I didn’t know what I was saying!”  When Root stops laughing, she agrees to limit their use, but not to stop altogether.  Shaw’s learning to compromise.  It’s not so bad.  It makes Root happy and Shaw likes it when she’s happy.

 

* * *

 

Shaw starts to get used to living with Root and she really likes the sleeping together every night part.  They haven’t been intimate yet and they’re both frustrated.  There’s been plenty of kissing, but Shaw always stops it before they go too far. 

“You know, I’m starting to worry a little lover.  It seems you have no problem resisting my many charms,” Root coos playfully.  Shaw’s on the couch and Root’s leaning over and nuzzling her neck while Shaw tries to keep her mind on the game she’s watching.

Shaw starts to make a sarcastic comment, but changes her mind.  She pulls Root over the back of the couch until she’s sitting on her lap.  Root laughs and Shaw smiles, but Root can tell she’s serious about whatever she’s going to say next.

“Are you feeling rejected?”  Root looks away when she answers.  “A little.”  Shaw waits until Root looks at her again.  “I just needed to regain my strength Root.  I’m just now starting to feel normal.”  Root rests her head on Shaw’s shoulder and Shaw wraps her arms around her.  “It’s…you’re important to me.  I don’t want to fuck this up.”

 

* * *

 

Their first real fight comes a week later.  “I’m going back to work Root.  You should too.”  Shaw growls.  It’s been three weeks.  Root’s been on a few missions but only in New York and she hasn’t been gone for more than a day.  Shaw knows she’s been doing it purposely.  There’s no way the Machine hasn’t needed her somewhere else in over three weeks.  “I’m not an invalid Root!”  Shaw’s shouting and stops to take a deep breath to calm down.

“What’s going on Root?  Just tell me.”  Root drops to the couch in defeat.  “I know you’re right Sameen.  But every time I think of you on a mission, possibly risking your life, I panic.  There’s a roaring in my ears and I can’t breathe.”

Shaw sighs and takes a few more deep breaths.  “We haven’t talked about the mission Root.  How I ended up in the hospital or what you felt while you sat at my bedside for a week not knowing if I’d ever wake up.  I think we need to talk about it.  I think you’re angry with me.”

Root sighs.  “I asked John to tell me about what happened.  But he wouldn’t say anything other than you both made a mistake.  What did he mean Sameen?  His refusal to tell me must mean it was pretty bad.”

“Or John just thought I should be the one to tell you.”  Shaw sits next to Root and plunges into the story.  “With all the increased security I decided it was too risky to try to capture the Waters’.  I used my sniper rifle instead and set out to backup John. 

When I got there John told me a group of guards left the compound and we figured they were responding to what happened at the house. 

Fusco was working to get SWAT involved, but we weren’t sure if he’d succeed or if they’d make it in time.  It was only a matter of time before the warehouse was swarming with more hired guns.  We decided to go in early before they came back.

I was providing cover from an elevated position.  I scanned the area and everything seemed clear.  But I couldn’t see right below me and I was ambushed by three guys.  I took out one of them easily, but one of the others managed to stab me before I shot him.  I was fighting the third guy with a collapsed lung.  Our guns went off at the same time.  My shot killed him; his embedded itself in my skull.

I didn’t even realize it until I was inside the warehouse in another gunfight to give John more time to save the girls.  I thought it was a graze or muzzle burn until I felt too much blood pouring from my head.  I reached up and felt the hole.  I thought it was probably shrapnel because I was still standing.

When the girls were safe, John came for me.  I threw a grenade, which bought us some wiggle room, and he dragged me out of there while we dodged bullets.  It was chaotic Root.  I never even told him I was stabbed.  When we were almost to the gate, SWAT arrived.  That’s the last thing I remember.”

Root can’t fault Shaw for any of it.  She would’ve done the same under the circumstances.  “I would’ve done the same thing Sam.  So I can’t be mad at you for making the call in the field without better intel.  It doesn’t stop me from wishing you’d waited or aborted altogether.

I figured I wouldn’t hear from you for at least a couple of hours after go time because of the complexity of rescuing the girls.  By that time I was on a plane.  The Machine had me on my way to a private airfield and on a jet home within 30 minutes of completing my mission.  She didn’t tell me anything other than your mission was completed successfully.  But I just felt something was off.  It took 20 hours to get here.  It was the longest day of my life.  At least I thought so until I landed.

When I saw John at the airfield I knew something happened to you.  It’s the only reason John would be there.  He told me you were in the hospital and we came straight there.  I couldn’t move for an hour, just looking at you.  Hoping I could will you to wake up.  I thought I was going to lose my mind. 

But you needed me and I didn’t have the luxury of falling apart.

I was mad at the Machine.  How could She not have known you were in trouble?  Why wasn’t She watching?  But She’s never been able to predict you Sam.  Ever.  So She never predicted that you might improvise or deviate from the plan.

Her analysis indicated I was in the greatest danger because I was alone.  So She focused on me while I set things up in Thailand.  At go time She was monitoring all of us.  But it was too late.  You had attacked the warehouse two hours earlier and were already hurt.

Then I yelled at John.  Why wasn’t he there to back you up?  How could he let you get hurt?  He never made excuses.  He actually hugged me.  Awkward and stiff, but he wouldn’t let me go and I know he would give his life to save yours.  Which left me with Finch and you already know how I feel about what he did, or more accurately didn’t do.

So I pushed aside my fear of losing you, the pain of Harold’s betrayal, and the fallibility of the Machine.  I needed to focus on bringing you back to me.  So I did. 

But in the back of my mind I thought I was being punished because I don’t deserve to be happy.  Because I’ve done so many horrible things, unforgivable things.  You’d made me the happiest I’d ever been in the two days before all this happened.  It was like some kind of cruel joke.

I wouldn’t have survived losing you Sameen.  Maybe it’s weak or selfish or misguided.  But the world can go fuck itself if I lose you.  Even if we’re not together and you don’t care about me at all.  I need you to be safe because then there’s always the hope of someday.”

Shaw wraps her arms around Root and pulls her close until she’s resting her head on Shaw’s chest.  “I heard you Root.  You told me about Hanna and your mother and all the things you like about me.  It felt safe I think.  I knew you were there.  I don’t think I would’ve made it without you. 

But we’re both here and we’re okay.  Better than okay.  We can’t hide.  That’s not who we are.  Bad things are going to happen.  But I know I’ll do anything to make it back to you.  Always.  I also know you’ll stop risking your life like you don’t matter.  Because you matter to me and I need you too.

Right now we have a number so I’m going to meet John at the subway.  You need to stop ignoring the Machine’s missions.  If you need to leave just let me know.  But I will call and keep you posted.  Okay?”

Even though she does feel better, Root’s not at all sure she can leave Shaw to go on a mission far away, at least not one that takes her out of the country.  But she gets up and kisses her goodbye at the door anyway.


	15. 10 Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fusco gets out moving to the front seat. Reese stops him before he sits down. “You might want to stay in the backseat Lionel.” Fusco looks at him and scrunches his face. “Oh yeah, why’s that?” Reese shrugs. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Hey sweetie.  I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.  Miss me already?”  Root sounds positively gleeful.  Shaw rolls her eyes and groans so Root can hear her.  “I’m stuck on a stakeout and I’m stiff bored, emphasis on stiff.  This car couldn’t get any smaller if it was a box.”  Root laughs.  “You did want to go back to work Sam.  I guess you forgot its hours of boredom punctuated by minutes of…”  Root was going to say terror, but Shaw wouldn’t like it so she settled for “adrenaline rush.”

“I’m also hungry,” she moans plaintively.  Root smiles.  The real reason for Shaw’s call.  She wants Root to take her lunch, but asking would feel like weakness.  At least to Shaw.  “I’ll have John take you a power bar when he goes to relieve you.  That should tide you over.”  Shaw hangs up and Root laughs out loud.

Thirty minutes later she slips into the passenger side of the car, smiling innocently.  “Hi sweetie.”  Shaw looks over disappointedly.  She doesn’t see or smell any food.  She gives a brief hello before raising the camera to her face again.  In her peripheral vision she sees Root reach through the window and towards the roof of the car.

One of her favorite smells suddenly permeates the air. She drops the camera and snatches the bag out of Root’s hand while Root laughs.  _Yes!_ She pulls out the burger and barely gets it unwrapped before taking her first bite.  “Oh my god…this is soooo good,” Shaw moans in rapture. 

Root looks at her affectionately.  “Should I be jealous babe?”  Shaw rolls her eyes but it’s not worth abandoning her burger, even momentarily, to reply. 

Root reaches into the bag for a fry but Shaw swats her arm away.  “Youf shoda got yr oun,” she says, through a mouthful of food.  Root pouts.  The minute Shaw has both her hands on her burger to take another bite, Root steals a handful of fries.  Shaw scowls at her, but Root smiles smugly while she munches on her stolen prize.

It barely takes three minutes for Shaw to finish her burger and protectively shelter her fries from Root’s grabby hands.  She gulps her soda.  “Are you forgetting something lover?”  Shaw bangs her head against the head rest and sighs.  Root is obsessed with using the nicknames Shaw approved.  She’s cut back somewhat after they compromised, but its still way too often for Shaw.

“Thank you… _babe_ ,” Shaw emphasizes.  Of course, her plan backfires because Root practically preens at the endearment and doesn’t find it annoying in the least.  Rookie mistake.  Shaw knows better.  But it does earn her a rather hot kiss, so it ends in a draw.

 

* * *

 

“The Machine needs me in Oregon sweetie.  So I’ll be gone for a few days,” Root announces blandly.  She’d decided to rip the band aid off and see how it goes.  Shaw looks over in surprise.  “Uh…well good.  I mean not that you’ll be gone…but…”  Root places her hand on Shaw’s thigh soothingly.  “I know what you mean sweetie.”  She gives Shaw another quick kiss and gets out of the car.  She leans in through the window.  “I’ll call you when I can.  Try not to die before I get back.”

Shaw’s speechless and looks at Root until she’s out of sight.  Well it is what she wanted.  Maybe wanted is too strong a word.  More like thought it was best.  For Root anyway.  To help with her fear.  Shaw didn’t think about what  _she_ might feel with Root gone.  She’d never minded before.  Well that’s not true exactly…she scowls and goes back to watching her number.

Several days turns into 10 days and Shaw gets increasingly grumpy/angry with each passing hour.  She’s only heard from Root twice and both times the calls lasted less than a minute basically ‘hello and I’m alive.’

Unfortunately no one told Fusco.  He joins Shaw and Reese on a stakeout.  Shaw snaps at him.  “Close the door before you let the heat out!”  He looks at Reese.  “Why is deadly so grumpy?  Well, grumpier than usual anyway?” 

Reese knows better than to answer even if he knows exactly why Shaw’s been intolerable for over a week now.  Even Bear hasn’t been able to draw her out of her foul mood. 

Fusco’s supposed to relive Reese but now Reese’s not sure it’s such a good idea.  Fusco may not be safe in Shaw’s current state.  After Shaw glares at him he gets out of the car slowly.

Fusco gets out moving to the front seat.  Reese stops him before he sits down.  “You might want to stay in the backseat Lionel.”  Fusco looks at him and scrunches his face.  “Oh yeah, why’s that?”  Reese shrugs.  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”  Fusco shakes his head and closes the door.

He turns on the radio, but Shaw scowls at him and turns it back off.  He tries to make small talk and she ignores him.  “You know at least Nutella’s friendly.”  Before he can blink, Shaw’s holding him by the neck as she presses him up against the window.  “If I hear you call her any variation of crazy again, I will punch you into next week,” she informs him, voice deadly calm.

Fusco’s choking.  Shaw holds him for a few more seconds before letting go.  He coughs for several minutes and loosens his collar and tie.  “What the hell is wrong with you?!”  Shaw looks at him blankly and he wisely decides to keep his mouth shut for the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

Shaw gets home in the early morning.  She knows Root’s not back the minute she steps inside.  It’s too still.  Shaw’s spent as little time as possible here since Root left, only coming back to sleep once she’s exhausted.  She misses (she thinks that’s what it is) Root, especially at night.  Now the bed is too big and cold without her.

Before Root left it never occurred to her she might also have a problem with their separation.  It makes her angry with herself.  It’s a weakness to feel so out of sorts.  Thoughts of Root creep into her mind at will.  It’s distracting and annoying and something else Shaw can’t identify.

She takes a scalding shower and crawls into bed.  Sleep doesn’t come easily and it’s a while before she drops off.  Her phone ringing wakes her a few hours later.  She answers angrily.  “What?!”  There’s a pause and then she hears Root’s voice.  “Sameen, are you okay?” 

She snaps awake and sighs.  “Yeah, I’m fine.  I was up all night on a stakeout and was sleeping.”

“I’m sorry I woke you sweetie.  I just wanted to tell you I’ll be back this afternoon.”

Shaw’s heart starts beating fast for a reason unknown to her, which just annoys her more.  “Fine.  I’ll see you later.”  She hangs up before Root has a chance to say anything else.  She tries to go back to sleep, but she’s too restless.  It’s like she’s anxious (excited?) and doesn’t know what to do.

She gives up in frustration and goes for a run.  After a couple of miles, she’s feeling calmer and capable of analyzing her feelings.  She’s irritated Root’s absence has affected her so acutely.  Is this what it’s going to be like every time they’re apart?  She’s been unsettled since Root left and even she recognizes she’s been insufferable.

This is the first time they’ve been apart since Root’s been staying with her.  The thought gives her pause.  They’re living together.  Root’s not staying with her temporarily.  Or is she?  She did say it was on a trial basis and she wasn’t making any promises.  Once she lets the possibility surface, she realizes there’s been a current of insecurity lingering in her mind for the last month.

It’s not something she’s ever felt so it’s taken her this long to recognize it.  She doesn’t want Root to leave.  Not leave town.  Leave her.  It’s ridiculous really.  Neither of them can know how they’ll feel in the future so promises to be together indefinitely (forever?) would be meaningless.

She feels the anger coalescing inside her and she runs faster.  Normally this would be the time she distances herself (quickly) from whatever (person) is disturbing her equilibrium.  But since she’s trying to be open to her feelings and honest (at least with herself), she knows leaving Root is not the solution. 

By the time she gets back to the apartment, she knows what she needs to do.


	16. The Night Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sameen! It’s like the stars are dancing!”

Root’s been unsettled since she hung up with (or was hung up on by) Shaw.  She knew when she left their separation would affect Shaw.  She also knew Shaw would be disturbed by the unfamiliar feelings.  But her insides clench hearing the turmoil in Shaw’s voice. 

But she realizes it’s not because she thinks Shaw will leave (break up with) her.  She just wishes she was there to soothe her and help her understand her feelings.  She hates to know Shaw’s hurting.  But at the same time she can’t contain her smile. 

She just grasped an important truth.  She trusts Shaw not to leave her.  She believes unequivocally she matters to Shaw and that Shaw’s invested in making ‘them’ work.  She knows what she needs to do.

 

* * *

 

Root can barely contain her anticipation when she’s finally home.  She pauses for a moment at the door to enjoy the feeling.  She hasn’t had a home since she was a child and even then ‘home’ was really just shelter and food.  It wasn’t loving or nurturing or comforting. 

It’s also the first time she’s using the key Shaw gave her.  She almost forgot and reached for her lock picks.  She rubs her fingers lovingly over the engraving before finally opening the door.

She’s disappointed Shaw’s not home but there’s a note on the counter.  She wants Root to meet her at 7pm at an unfamiliar address.  Root’s curious and impatient and excited.  Her first impulse is to call Shaw and badger her into explaining but she contains herself with some effort.

 

* * *

 

Shaw doesn’t really do nervous.  But as she waits for Root, she’s alternating tapping her foot impatiently with pacing.  But when she sees her coming down the sidewalk, she freezes.  

Root’s smiling at her intimately and she looks stunning.  She’s wearing a sheer brilliant blue button down shirt, which brings out the creamy color of her skin and Shaw can see the lacy black bra.  Her white jeans taper down her long legs and Shaw desperately hopes there are matching panties underneath.  (She fully intends to find out later.) Her hair hangs loosely at her shoulders.  When she’s closer Shaw sees she’s wearing light makeup, her eyes smoldering and her lips cherry red.

But nothing compares to Root’s smell when she’s finally holding her again.  Root kisses her briefly and they just hold each other for a minute, Root’s head tucked into the crook of Shaw’s neck.  “I missed you Sameen.”

Shaw leans back and smirks.  “I knew you would.”  Root slaps her arm in mock offense and then smiles at her knowingly.  “Well I _know_ you missed me too.”  Shaw rolls her eyes but can’t keep the wide smile off her face.  “Come on know-it-all.”  She pulls Root to the elevator and they get off on the last floor. 

The stairwell door is propped open and they climb up to the roof.  The sky is dark, the new moon invisible.  The air is crisp and cool, but not uncomfortably so.  They’re up high enough the sounds and smells of the city are only a distant memory.

There’s a small loveseat with a standing ice bucket next to it, a bottle peaking over the top. There’s also a short coffee table with a glass lamp softly glowing and a covered platter next to it.  Root’s overwhelmed.  “Sameen…it’s beautiful. But…”

Shaw doesn’t let her finish.  “Because I did miss you and I’m happy you’re home safe.”  She pulls her to the couch and serves them glasses of what turns out to be champagne.  Very good champagne.  Shaw leans back and wraps her arm around Root’s shoulders.  “So what’s the special occasion?”

Shaw smiles and replies simply.  “You.”  She gives another self-satisfied smile when Root’s rendered speechless.  “Look up.”

There are dozens of glowing polar-white pinpricks of light streaking through the endless black of the night sky.  “Sameen!  It’s like the stars are dancing!”  Shaw’s captivated by the look of utter wonder on Root’s face.  They watch in silence until the rocks fall to earth, burning out and shrouding them in a veil of darkness once again.

“Amazing…” Root whispers quietly.  Shaw leans in and claims her mouth softly.  “Just like you…” she murmurs, never losing contact with Root’s lips.  They pull apart when they need to breathe and Root’s completely overwhelmed.  Again. 

Shaw leans forward and uncovers the platter.  “It’s just an herb and cheese plate and some fruit.  I thought you’d enjoy them with the champagne before dinner.”  She refills Root’s glass and Root immediately brings it to her mouth.  She takes a sip and then looks at Shaw with a sly grin.  “I always said you made me see stars.”  Shaw almost chokes on her drink, sputtering out a laugh.  “Now that was just corny.” She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“Why’d you pick this building Sam?  And how on earth did you get a couch up here?” 

“Actually, John lives here.  I’d been up here once, when I was trying to calm down after I threatened to kill him.”  Root raises her eyebrows in question.  “No, I don’t remember what he did that made me so angry.  The point is I remembered the view.

Your timing was impeccable.  Another day and we would’ve missed it.”

“I didn’t know you were interested in the stars.”

Shaw shifts uncomfortably.  “I’m not really.  I was searching around for something fun to do when you came back and I stumbled across a website with a meteor shower guide.  It looked like we had a good chance of seeing this one since the new moon meant it’d be dark enough.  Seemed like an interesting thing to do.

John helped me with the couch.  We decided we’re leaving it up here though.  Getting it through the door was a bitch.  Besides, it’ll be a cool place to hang out.”

Root scoots back into Shaw’s arms.  “It was more than interesting.  It was the most remarkable sight I’ve ever seen.”  Shaw can’t hide her pleased look and Root laughs quietly.

They sit comfortably in the silence for a little while, finishing off their snack and the champagne. 

 

* * *

 

Shaw’s stomach growls and Root knows it’s time to go.  “So where are we eating?” 

“Downstairs actually.  I commandeered John’s apartment.  He has a balcony with a fabulous view and I needed a kitchen.  I cooked.  Hopefully it’ll be edible,” she quips.  She texts Reese and tells him to get out.  He’d been keeping the food warm for them.

 

* * *

 

 

Shaw opens a bottle of wine she bought for the occasion and pours Root a glass.  “Make yourself comfortable outside, I’ll be right there.”  Root walks outside and there’s a small table set for them with another glass lamp casting a gentle glow.  She stands at the balcony looking out at the city, her mind racing, utterly flattered with Shaw’s plan for their evening and wondering what it means to Shaw.

A mouth-watering smell envelops the balcony and she turns to see Shaw setting their plates down.  She gestures for Root to sit and pours them more wine.  “Sameen that smells incredible.  I didn’t know you could cook.”

Shaw raises her eyebrows and quirks her lips smugly.  “I have many skills…its sour shrimp with noodles, a common Persian dish.  My dad used to make it for me all the time.  Dig in before it gets cold.”

Root can’t help the moan emerging at her first bite.  “Oh my god Sam.  This is delicious.”  Shaw looks relieved.  “So tell me about Oregon.”


	17. I Love You or John Comes Through Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Root looks at her lasciviously through her lashes. “No Root, that’s not what I meant. I actually made desert. Not that the other thing is off the table.”

Root looks apprehensive for a moment and it doesn’t escape Shaw’s notice.  “I needed to steal a prototype of a new laser weapon and destroy all the research.  She determined it would make wars too easy to start and fight remotely, giving any country that acquired it unprecedented power.

I assumed the identity of a genius programmer to gain access.  But security was too tight and they wouldn’t grant me access since I was new to the program.  I couldn’t break the encryption on the lab where it was being developed.  So I ended up having to befriend one of the engineers to gain access, which took longer than if I had just been able to steal it.

Shaw nods understandingly, but her question is perceptive.  “How did you ‘befriend’ said engineer?”  Her tone is mild and she doesn’t seem upset.

“I flirted and led her on until she let me get a peek.  Mission completed.”

“So why the uneasy look when I asked?”

Root considers her next words carefully.  She needs to be completely honest with Shaw.  She doesn’t want lies between them.  Shaw will consider half-truth or omissions lies.  “She suggested I sleep with the woman to gain access to the weapon.”

Shaw’s face tightens imperceptibly.  “What happened when you refused?”

Root’s comforted immensely by Shaw’s response to her admission.  “Nothing.  She reevaluated options.  Not that I really needed her input.  It wasn’t rocket science to develop a strategy. I needed someone to give me access.”

“Does She now know that sleeping with anyone other than me is not an option?”

“Of course, Sameen…but is there anything else you want to know?”

Shaw sighs.  “I’m not thrilled, but I am perfectly familiar with your ability to flirt and win someone over without ever touching them, so no.  I don’t need to know anything else and I don’t need you to confirm nothing happened.  I trust you.”

 

* * *

 

“So what were you up to while I was gone?  Anything interesting?”

“Not really.  One number embezzled money from mobsters; nothing original there.  The other put a hit on his wife.  Both completely mundane.  I may have been slightly grumpier than usual and I threatened to punch Fusco into next week.”

Root smiles, not at all surprised.  “Why?”

“Why was I grumpy?”

“I know why you were grumpy, why’d you threaten Fusco?”

Shaw looks uncomfortable.  “Is it okay if I’d rather not say?”

“Sure sweetie, it’s fine.”  She’ll just ask the Machine or Fusco later anyway.

“Thank you for diner.  It really was scrumptious.”

“You’re welcome.  Let me just take these plates into the kitchen.  John said not to worry, he’d do them later.”

“I’ll help.”  Root’s curiosity is killing her.  “I’m dying to know how exactly you talked John into being so helpful.”

Shaw pauses thoughtfully.  “I asked.”  Root’s actually not surprised Reese agreed to help.  He’s a good friend.  She is, however, pleasantly surprised it was important enough to Shaw to ask.

 

* * *

 

Shaw pours herself a scotch and they go back to the balcony.  Root’s finishing her wine and gazing at Shaw.  Shaw’s staring out at the city with a far away look on her face.  “Sameen, are you okay?”

Shaw snaps out of it and turns to Root.  “Yeah.  There’s just something I need to tell you and I’m not sure I have the words.  I planned out what to say, but it doesn’t sound right in my head.”  Root waits patiently while Shaw gathers her thoughts.

Shaw looks into her eyes without flinching.  “I did a lot of thinking while you were gone.  About us I mean.  All the things I told you the first night you stayed over and at lunch the next day are true.  But there’s so much more.  I just can’t explain it in words. 

It may not mean the same thing to you as it does to me, but I know I love you.”  Tears are already streaming down Root’s face but Shaw’s not done.  “I want us to live together.  I want more than just an arrangement to stay with me when you’re in New York on some type of trial basis.”

Root tries to answer but Shaw shushes her gently.  “No.  Don’t answer right now.  I want you to think about it after it’s sunk in.  I don’t want you to tell me what I want to hear because you’re swept up in the moment.”

Root nods her head in agreement although she already knows the answer.  She excuses herself to freshen up and calm down.  When she comes out Shaw has her coat on and Root’s in her hand.  “Come on.  I made dessert too.  It’s at home.”

Root looks at her lasciviously through her lashes.  “No Root, that’s not what I meant.  I actually made dessert.  Not that the other thing is off the table.”


	18. I Trust You or Yay Sex!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But Shaw made Root wait for weeks…of wanting and needing... Now it’s Shaw’s turn to wait.

Root hooks Shaw’s arm as they make their way home.  Their shoulders are touching and Shaw can feel Root’s body heat.  They’re close enough Root’s scent envelops her…citrusy and clean.  Shaw’s desire is pooling in her belly and she knows she’s not waiting anymore.

The minute they get home, she traps Root between her body and the door, ravaging her with a desperate kiss.  Root deepens it and they explore with tongue and teeth.  She nibbles at Shaw’s jaw, making her way to her neck and sucking lightly on her pulse point.

Shaw groans and forces herself to slow down.  She grips Root’s hands above her head, holding her with her body.  “Sameen, if you tell me to stop now I will seriously…”  Shaw cuts her off, lips murmuring against her mouth.  “I want to undress you…please.”

Root just wants to tear their clothes off and feel Shaw’s body underneath hers, but she forces herself to acquiesce to Shaw’s need.  Shaw feels the agreement in the stilling of Root’s body.  She releases Root’s hands but Root keeps them above her head, offering herself. 

Shaw takes Root’s upper lip into her mouth, pulling gently with her lips, their tongues caressing.  She strokes along Root’s lower lip lightly.  As they continue their unhurried exploration, Shaw slowly unbuttons Root’s shirt, grazing her hands along Root’s sides.  They break apart as Shaw slowly pushes it back, leaving it hanging off Root’s arms.  She unhooks Root’s lacy black bra, cupping her breasts and letting her thumbs rub her nipples.  Root moans with desire as her nipples tighten and stretch into Shaw’s fingers. 

Shaw runs her tongue along the edge of Root’s ear, nibbling her way back to her mouth.  She reaches between them, trailing her hand down Root’s body until she reaches the waistband of her jeans.  She unbuttons them and gradually lowers the zipper. 

She mouths her way down Root’s chest to her midriff, lowering herself onto her knees, sliding them down.  Root steps out of them and Shaw stands and admires her lacy black panties, her hope fulfilled.  Root’s body is exquisite and it always takes her breath away.

She gently places her hand on Root’s chin.  Root gazes at her, desire burning in her eyes.  She leans in and bathes Root’s lips with her tongue, slipping Root’s shirt off and letting it drop to the floor.  She runs her hands through Root’s hair, lightly scratching her scalp, eliciting a moan. 

She skims her hand down her arm, reacquainting her fingertips with Root’s skin, her breath hitching.  Taking Root’s hand in her own, she nibbles down the tender skin of Root’s forearm placing butterfly kisses over her fingers. 

Her mouth slightly parted, she looks into Root’s eyes before slowly claiming her mouth again.  Root responds by licking Shaw’s upper lip erotically.  Shaw reaches up and uses her finger to trace Root’s mouth, slipping it in slowly.  Root scrapes her teeth over it lightly. 

Shaw nibbles her way from Root’s mouth to her neck, lightly sucking on her pulse point before grazing her tongue over the rim of her ear.  She sucks gently along Root’s collarbone while caressing her breast.  Her fingers are addicted to Root's skin, supple as silk.

Root’s breathing raggedly.  “Sameen…please, take me to bed.”  Finally, finally, Shaw leads her to the bed, pushing her back so she falls gently onto the mattress.  She removes her clothes slowly in a way she knows accentuates her ass and taut abs.  Root’s devouring her with her eyes and a wave of desire dances through her and settles between her legs.

She stalks up Root’s body letting her fingers brush each millimeter of skin.  She can smell Root’s shampoo and feel her body flushed with heat.  She dips her head down and catches Root’s lips with hers.  Root immediately parts her lips deepening the kiss, moaning into Shaw’s mouth.

Shaw plants her hands on either side of Root’s torso and licks a trail from her navel to the base of her throat.  She draws back and softly blows on the trail of moisture, causing Root to gasp and shiver.   “Sameen…touch me…I’ve missed you so much,” Root pleads.

Shaw continues to lick up the length of Root’s long slender neck, nibbling sharply on her left earlobe.  “You have excellent taste in lingerie,” she murmurs as her index finger trails across the edge of the bra still loose around her shoulders, caressing her skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps in her wake. 

Root breathes in sharply, reacting to the feel of Shaw’s hands on her body.  Shaw finally lowers the strap on Root’s left shoulder, following her hand with a trail of kisses.  “You taste delicious,” she sighs and inhales the clean scent of Root’s skin, causing her eyes to close with yearning. 

Root leans up and Shaw finally removes her bra.  She moves her mouth to bite at the undersides of Root’s breasts, capturing a nipple with her teeth and tugging until Root hisses.  She soothes the pain with her lips and tongue until Root’s writhing sensually beneath her.  She lets her tongue roam and taste every inch of Root’s breasts for several long minutes. 

“I bet you’re so wet for me…” she sighs and swallows Root’s answering moan.  She leans on one arm, dragging Root’s panties down to her calves.  Root uses her foot to lower them the rest of the way, flinging them impatiently to the floor. 

Shaw migrates down Root's body so she can nip at Root’s hipbone.  Root nudges her hips trying to get Shaw’s mouth where she wants it.  “I want your mouth on me lover…” and Shaw wants nothing more than for Root to moan for her. 

She leans in and brushes her tongue over Root’s clit, coaxing it out of its hood.  Root’s moans send a shiver down her back.  She licks the length of her sex and lifts Root’s left leg to sit on her shoulder.  Root’s soaking and hot and open, just for her, rolling her hips, frantic for her attention.

The taste of Root’s arousal causes liquid heat to pool between Shaw’s legs.  She flattens her tongue and massages Root’s clit, barely touching, then pressing lightly, ever so gradually teasing.  “ohmygodSameen!” 

Root’s heel digs into her shoulder and she brings her other leg around to push against Shaw’s ass.  She’s gasping, bucking desperately and slapping her hands against the bed urgently.  “insidepleasebabynow!”  Shaw sneaks inside gradually with two fingers, but Root’s so open and wet, it’s not enough, so she gives her more, thrusting slow and deep, while rubbing Root’s clit with her tongue.  Root’s moaning wantonly and Shaw hits her g-spot with every stroke.  “yes…yes…don’t stop…whatever you do DON’T STOP!"

Root feels her orgasm raging towards her and comes hard, clenching Shaw’s fingers deep inside her as she rides out waves of pleasure.  Shaw gentles her through it, prolonging Root’s orgasm until she feels the fluttering of her muscles weaken around her fingers. 

Root brings her legs down and tugs until Shaw crawls up the length of her body and settles, her skin hot and sweaty and tingly.  She pulls her closer and claims her mouth, the taste of her own arousal wrenching another moan from deep in her throat.  The force of the kiss causes Shaw’s brain to short circuit briefly. 

Root’s gripping Shaw’s ass tightly, every inch of her body alive with the feel of Shaw’s skin.  She feels Shaw’s nipples hardening on her chest and her wet center slick on her thigh.  She needs more and leans up, twisting until Shaw’s beneath her.   

She attacks Shaw’s neck with sharp bites and sucks.  Shaw turns to give her more access and when she hisses, it sets Root on fire.   

She pins Shaw’s hands and trails bruising kisses down her chest.  She pulls back and hovers over her breasts… “Root… _please_!"  Shaw’s not sure what she’s praying for but she needs Root’s mouth back on her skin.  Root’s tongue darts out to lick at a nipple and Shaw arches, pushing her breast desperately into Root’s mouth.  Root sucks the hardened pebble deep into her mouth, lathing it with her tongue, biting at the tender skin around it.  She lavishes Shaw’s breasts with equal attention until Shaw’s breathing grows ragged and she can feel Shaw’s wetness coating her thigh. 

She whispers directly into Shaw’s ear, her voice hot and hoarse with arousal.  “I touched myself every night wishing it was your mouth…”  Root’s words race to Shaw’s core, ratcheting her need and she wantswantswants… She’s writhing and gasping…  She grasps Root’s hair tight in her hands, lunging into her mouth, growling against her lips, “ _I need you inside now_!” 

But Shaw made Root wait for weeks…of wanting and needing...  Now it’s Shaw’s turn to wait.  She lets go of one of Shaw’s wrists and trails her hand slowly down Shaw’s torso, from the dip in her throat to her pubic bone.  She spreads her fingers, exploring Shaw’s defined abs, stroking the hard muscles beneath her hand. 

Shaw whimpers from deep in her throat, until she feels Root’s fingers play at her entrance while gently pressing against her clit.  Root strokes her entrance, gathering Shaw’s wetness with her fingertips and drawing it up to continue her attention to Shaw’s clit.  Shaw bites back a moan, but that’s not what Root wants.  “I want to hear you moan for me lover.” 

She smiles down at Shaw sensually.  Shaw’s strung out beneath her, breathing heavily, her dark hair sprawled on the pillow.  She’s staring at Root intensely, the heat burning Root with desire.  “You are so beautiful Sameen…”

She draws her hand back to Shaw’s entrance, pausing to look back up at her.  Shaw implores, “ _Please_ … _I need you_ …”  Root slides two fingers in and they gasp simultaneously.   “You’re so wet for me...I’ve been waiting for way too long…”  Root smiles wickedly and withdraws slowly, looking at Shaw thoughtfully.  Her fingertips are luxuriating in the velvety feel of Shaw’s slit.  “You’re not going to make me wait that long again…are you?”

 Shaw’s eyes are wild and normally she wouldn’t give in so easily, but she wants Root inside her and she’ll give her anything to make it happen.  “ _No…Root, I promise…please…!_ ”  Root starts thrusting rhythmically and licks at Shaw’s clit.  Shaw bucks at the sensation and grips the sheet tightly in her fists.  She’s trying to make Root go faster but Root holds her down with a forearm against her abdomen. 

Shaw’s bucking becomes frantic.  “ _please Root, more, faster, harder…_ ”  Root was just waiting to hear those words.  She slips another two fingers inside and sucks on Shaw’s clit while swirling her tongue, plunging faster and harder inside, hitting Shaw’s g-spot with every stroke.  “ _Yes!  Root…!_ ” 

She comes hard with a strangled gasp, Root’s name on her lips.  Root stays inside, letting Shaw ride out her orgasm.  Shaw finally slumps back onto the bed, struggling to catch her breath.  Root scoots up and lays on her side next to her, caressing her face with her fingertips, a warm smile on her face.  Shaw pulls her back on top, wrapping her arms around her.  “That was not nice Root,” but her smile belies her words.  Root frowns innocently.  “Hmmm…I guess I won’t be doing it again then.”  Shaw’s brain catches up with Root’s meaning and she backpedals instantly, making Root burst with laughter. 

 

* * *

 

“Don’t worry; we’re going all night lover, so catch your breath.”  Shaw’s confession spills from her lips without permission.  “That’s so hot…”  Root looks at her knowingly.  Shaw’s talking about the nickname.  “I told you you’d like it…”

Root captures her lips again, demanding entrance, murmuring against Shaw’s mouth.  “I’m going to trace your body with my mouth…every inch…”  Root keeps her promise and Shaw stops thinking, willingly drowning in the flood of pleasure ravishing her body. 

Every nerve in Shaw’s body feels electrified.  “ _Root, I missed you_ …”  Root nuzzles her face into Shaw’s center, twirling her tongue at her entrance, clasping their hands.  She can’t get enough of her taste, sliding her tongue inside then pulling out slowly before thrusting in deeper.  Her lips are nudging Shaw’s clit with every thrust of her tongue and Shaw is vibrating with pleasure, pulling on their clasped hands urgently. 

But Root wants to look into Shaw’s eyes when she comes, so she climbs up Shaw’s body.  Shaw pulls her in for a deliciously languid kiss.  Tasting herself in Root’s mouth drives her to distraction and when she feel’s Root’s wetness on her thigh, she thinks she might come undone.  

Root pulls out of the kiss, her eyes smoldering with desire.  “I want to look at you Sameen.”  Shaw opens her eyes and Root enters her gradually, her eyes shining, offering every bit of herself.  She pulls out almost completely, then thrusts deeply, while her clit rides Shaw’s thigh.  "It feels so right to be inside you," she murmurs.  

Shaw loses track of time, every inch of her body balanced on the edge of climax.  She cries Root’s name shamelessly, but Root maintains her steady rhythm slowly pulling Shaw’s orgasm from her body like gravity on her soul.  Shaw’s every muscle is taught with need, her body soaked with sweat, her thoughts filled with Root.  She’s moaning continuously. 

Root’s own body is tensing and she knows she’s on the cusp of losing control.  “I want you to come for me Sameen…”  Before she finishes speaking, she ghosts her thumb over Shaw’s clit and Shaw explodes with pleasure, gasping and clenching Root to her tightly. 

Captivated by the wanton pleasure written on Shaw’s face and her muscles clenching on her fingers, Root lets go, her orgasm shattering her control.  But she keeps her fingers inside, applying gentle pressure until Shaw unclenches, then slowly withdraws. 

She shifts and brings Shaw with her so they’re lying side by side.  They’re both breathing hard and Shaw’s dazed, her climax stripping her composure, leaving her raw and vulnerable, but she feels safe.  As their breathing slows, a smile reaches out from Shaw’s eyes and Root comes undone in a totally different way.  “The answer's yes. I trust you, Sameen.  Always.”

Shaw grins and pulls the comforter over them, feeling secure.  She throws her leg over Root’s and drapes her arm over her abdomen, her head tucked into Root’s neck.   She drifts into a sound sleep for the first time since Root went on her mission.  Root watches her late into the night, replaying those three words.  Shaw’s voice strong in her mind…  ‘I love you.’


End file.
